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anxiety holding me back - roz - 11-28-2007 01:15 AM

I don't know how many of you feel the same way...like your anxiety is really stopping you do things you would like to do...it makes me upset how I am the one holding myself back in life.
I'm 18 and in my final school year..I do have really good friends I can talk to with no problems..but it's just in class that I do. Even if I know an answer or have a good point to make...I can't do it..and end up sitting in silence while everyone else talks away around me...I look at the others and wish it was me making a good point or having fun...but I just physically can't do it.
The teachers always comment on this in reports/parents evenings and it just makes me angry....do other people not understand that this isn't a choice? and if I could I would be chatting away like the others.
Does anyone find that others aren't very understanding and don't see how this isn't a choice? I wish people were more understanding/sympathetic to social anxiety.
I agree with the other things I've read on here...I don't really like calling people/answering the phone when I don't know the person...sometimes I just pretend to my parents that I didn't hear it.
And with dating....my anxiety holds me back..I don't think I'm good enough for others....and sometimes wonder what to say and why they would like me/want to talk to me...

Sorry this was quite long...just was wondering if people had similar experiences and maybe knew some ways of getting over any problems. I really wish this didn't hold me back and am scared this will never leave me and be affecting me for the rest of my life...I don't want to end up alone/in a bad job because I was scared of an interview or something! xxx Roz


Re: anxiety holding me back - Ana - 11-28-2007 01:37 AM

Hi Roz! Welcome to Ofear! Wave

I understand what you're saying.

All of my report cards have comments stating how quiet I am and how much my grades would improve if I could join in class discussions. They don't seem to understand that I try but I can't; like you said, they make it sound like a choice. I've even explained to a few teachers that I have trouble expressing my opinions and joining in discussions; they usualy end up incorporating me in classroom discussions after this, which makes things worse.

I think that my anxiety holds me back in some ways but there's more to it than that, for me.


Re: anxiety holding me back - bellablu - 12-01-2007 09:30 PM

Quote:just was wondering if people had similar experiences and maybe knew some ways of getting over any problems. I really wish this didn't hold me back and am scared this will never leave me and be affecting me for the rest of my life...I don't want to end up alone/in a bad job because I was scared of an interview or something!

i know exactly how you feel.

i hate being the way i am i wish i could get over my social anxiety/phobia. i want to get a job but am really fearful of job interviews Sad Oops

all through primary and high school there was one thing my teachers said in every single report- "she needs to ask more questions, she's too shy" i am at university and still, i don't ask for help when i need it.
i had one teacher who made me feel like crap in primary school,she always pointed out my shyness and made me feel bad for it. :frown::


Re: anxiety holding me back - Ben88L - 12-03-2007 07:24 PM

roz-- there are some really good treatments out there for what you describe... Would your parents be willing to help you seek treatment if you asked?

I would guess that at the core of your issue is a fear of being judged negatively... Being judged negatively for you might make you will feel worthless; which makes it safer for you to avoid/ or withdraw (that's at least one hypothesis)... Shyness, etc. (social anxiety in your case) is generally caused (like all things) by a combination of genetics and environment...

There are certainly some proven drugs and behavior therapy techniques that will work if you get them. As simple as this sounds... the quickest way to overcome your issue is to just act "like you don't have anxiety." You might picture a favorite a movie star (I don't know, John Wayne), and act like he would act in a situation that frustrates you because of social fear. The 2nd easiest advice is to practice relaxation techniques... breath from your stomach... then try meditating, and focusing solely on your breath and nothing else (breath slow and deep). Best of Luck!


Re: anxiety holding me back - Shy guy - 12-04-2007 08:49 AM

Have you girls seen my review of Gillian Butler's book on shyness and social anxiety?

http://www.ofear.com/viewtopic.php?f=49&t=883&sid

Another book I recommend from the same series is:

Fennell, M. (1999) Overcoming Low Self-esteem: A self-help guide using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques. Constable and Robinson

You should be able to buy them both from the Ofear! Bookstore and if not you can ask JonnyJonny_UK to order them for you. Hope this helps. =D