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my story - i_was_a_self-injurer - 08-02-2007 06:30 AM

This is my story about how i started to self-harm and how i over came it

Before i was born, I almost died. I breathed to soon when I was still inside my mom and got this liquid substances in my mouth and i had to be put in an equabter for a week or so.

Growing up, I always pictured what my life would be life. Would I be on the football team? Will I be in the ppopular crowed? Will I be the one always in a cherrful mood?

Well none to all of those. When i started school, of course I was happy and willing to make friends that would last a life time. Once I got to about the 3rd grade, my life started to change. I was getting teased by my class mates and such. Ever since my 4th grade I became a loner.

I stayed away from my class and I didn't want to be judge. But it seemed like no matter what I was always being judge no matter what i did.

I think my whole depression started when my sister truned 17 or 18. When she turned 18 she played the "I'm 18 I can do whatever the fuck i want"

Of course my mom and dad were pissed that she was acting this way. She would constinly start fights wiht my parents to the point were I would just break down.

When I was 13 I became depressed. I thought no one cared about me, I was being teased for my learning disibility, i was tormenetd in school, my family was fighting non-stop, and other crap. I started to cut when it was summer and when I was out of school. I kept it up for 3 years and I didn't tell anyone, only my friends online...

When ever my parents and sister fought to point were i couldn't stand it, I would go into the bathroom, lock the door, and cried while I cut myself. When I didn't see blood come out I will cut untill I would see blood come out. Which was about 10-20 cuts later.

When I hit high school it became worse. Till I meet a friend who I didn't know that she would become my best friend to this day. I told what I was going throug and that I was cutting myself. She was shocked but she didn't tell anyone. The reason why was because she thought it wasn't that bad and i could handle it on my own. Which I really couldn't. It was around December then I was thinking this is getting worse. Untill I made a call that made have saved my life

I am now cutting on my leg. I called a teen hot-line and I told them what I was doing and going though. I told them I was afraid to tell my mom. I told them I sometimes write a letter to her. They said ok write a letter then call us back. They said if u don't call us back, we will call you. at this point I said ok there's no turning back.

I didn't write the letter. I told my mom face to face. Which was the hardest thing in my life. I told her why I dong it and how long. She asked to see the scars and I showed her. She wasn't upset just disappointed. She was glad I told her. But she had to tell my dad. they both went easy on me to. I didn't go to therapy, conserloring, family doctor, or anything. I had to help myself get over this.

Right now I graduated from high school, I was in my high schools marching band, and I have the greatest friends I could ask for. But cutting for me was one of the things that helped me reless stress when I was on the edge.I didn't know i was hurting myself. I didn't even know there was a such thing called self-harm till i was getting deeper into cutting. It is one of the things I DO NOT EVER want to go through again. Like I said it got so bad that I started to cut my leg. I felt bad that I abused my body in that way. and I am 2 years amd 6 months self-harm free

Sadly, even though I didn't cut deep, I still have scars that may never fade away. Just because you don't cut deep dosen't mean you won't scar. I cut enough that I bleed and it took about a year for my scars to fully heal. When ever I look at the 3 or 4 scars I still have from cutting, it makes me think. Why did I start to cut? Don't make the choice that I made and start to cut. Once you cut it is hard to stop

Self-harm is possible to bet. don't be afraid to ask for help

Remember (even guys)

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

and heres my myspace i made to help other people with SI

<!-- w --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.myspace.com/recoveringcutter">http://www.myspace.com/recoveringcutter</a><!-- w -->


Re: my story - Jonnyjonny_uk - 08-02-2007 09:36 AM

Hi and a warm welcome to Ofear Big Grin

Thanks for a very informative introduction and im sure you will get some good advice here and you will meet some new friends, were all a very friendly bunch.

Take care

John


Re: my story - Lolly - 08-02-2007 07:20 PM

Welcome =D
Quote:I am 2 years amd 6 months self-harm free
That's fantastic to read there. I hope that things stay that way for you and reading your positivity, I'm sure you'll be fine =]



Re: my story - Ellen - 08-03-2007 11:12 AM

Thanks for sharing your story!

I always have trouble understanding why people self-harm but there are so many people doing that there must be something in it. It's just that even when I went through my teen years and felt very bad I never felt like doing something like that.

I'm very glad to hear that you don't do that anymore and hope it stays like that for you.

Welcome to the forum!



Re: my story - Shy guy - 10-25-2007 07:43 AM

occasion13 i_was_a_self-injurer occasion16 Blob5


Re: my story - Jonnyjonny_uk - 10-25-2007 02:27 PM

Happy Birthday i_was_a_self-injurer, hope you have a great day occasion15


Re: my story - Daniel - 10-26-2007 09:13 AM

I'm 5 months SI free.... funnily enough ever since I got with Jo... she's done more for me than she'll ever realise.


Re: my story - Shy guy - 10-26-2007 10:01 AM

Daniel Wrote:I'm 5 months SI free.... funnily enough ever since I got with Jo... she's done more for me than she'll ever realise.

Congratulation Daniel, that is great news. =D


Re: my story - Daniel - 10-26-2007 10:02 AM

Smile