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Entomophobia and Acarophobia, Help Me! - Printable Version

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Entomophobia and Acarophobia, Help Me! - lizzypoo92 - 03-24-2017 05:09 AM

It has been quite some time sense I have used this site, but I am starting to feel like there is no where else to turn.
A couple years ago I moved out of town, well state, I left my friends and family behind to find a new big adventure in a new place where I wouldn't be held down by the repetitive life of a small town druggies daughter. Moving was that hardest thing I did but it was the best, until about a year ago.
Bugs started coming. Now i am not the cleanest of people but I am not a pig either but once the bugs started I started getting scared, i never wanted to clean because if I did I would see them. I left my bed I would see them so I stayed in bed buried away afraid to step around my house during the night. Eventually I stopped cooking, Stopped buying food. I either eat at work or order delivery and then throw it away right away. I started buying bug killing things and traps having a neighbor help me lay it out praying it would make them go away. It wasn't just my apartment infected but the whole unit so we told our landlord begged for help and continued to try. Months and months have gone by and they are around. I went threw a clean freak mode and with the help of my neighbor and money to spend we cleaned and cleaned and leaned but the bugs, they don't go away.
Normally it wouldn't be to bad yes they are bothersome but to my neighbors its not a horrendous or huge issue, for me, it is a nightmare. And no one understands.
I can't sleep cause I am afraid they around me. I see them crawling on the walls with the corner of my eye but i look and nothing is there. I lay awake for hours in bed staring around wondering if they are going to come out. I see them and i kill them then i panic, I cant stop thinking about them and when i close my eyes they are all I see. My only escape is work and I work in a food industry so we have them there as well.
I don't have friends and don;t want to make any because that would mean i would have people over and then they would leave and when they leave its just me and the bugs, bugs that are everywhere. My landlord is helping and spraying and bombing and they are working to get rid of them but I swear they are still everywhere. Ill see maybe 1 a day but in my mind its like i see hundreds thousands all the time. I'm so scared and no one seems to understand. My family back home tells me to move back they will help but why should i flee when I have put so much effort into this life. My neighbors and coworkers say not to be afraid but how can i not when i don't try to be. I know they can't hurt me. I know they are more afraid of me then I of them I know they don't have ill intent but, i still am terrified. What Am i supposed to do?
How do I stop seeing them everywhere I look?
How do I stop being afraid of my own home?
I cant shower without a huge process a huge long process of fear and screams so I try to withhold for as long as possible. I cant go through my living room without fear so I try to do so as little as possible by spending all my time only in my bed.
How do I take my life back from bugs?