My girlfriend is afraid of lifts and I wondered if anyone else has this fear and if they have tried anything to help?

by "lifts" I am assuming you mean elevator or escalators? I hate elevators, they make me feel like I am being pulled outside my body! Don't like escalators either... anything that moves me pretty much scares me.

I was referring to elevators but its fine to mention escalators here to

Jonnyjonny_uk Wrote:My girlfriend is afraid of lifts and I wondered if anyone else has this fear and if they have tried anything to help?

What is her actual fear? I am assuming it isn't the actual lift.

The reason I prefer the stairs is because somebody else might try to get in the lift with me. If it was a private lift I would be fine.

Shy guy Wrote:

Jonnyjonny_uk Wrote:My girlfriend is afraid of lifts and I wondered if anyone else has this fear and if they have tried anything to help?

What is her actual fear? I am assuming it isn't the actual lift.

The reason I prefer the stairs is because somebody else might try to get in the lift with me. If it was a private lift I would be fine.

She is afraid of it breaking down and getting stuck inside. But it doesnt really present much of a problem.

Jonnyjonny_uk Wrote:

Shy guy Wrote:

Jonnyjonny_uk Wrote:My girlfriend is afraid of lifts and I wondered if anyone else has this fear and if they have tried anything to help?

What is her actual fear? I am assuming it isn't the actual lift.

She is afraid of it breaking down and getting stuck inside. But it doesnt really present much of a problem.

When you say it does not present much of a problem, is this because of low levels of anxiety or because she simply does not come across that many lifts? For example; life in the UK is terrible for SP suffers like myself, but great if you have ‘Polar bear phobia’, I haven’t seen one in years. :laugh:

Dialectical Journaling with the Thought Diary
(For the purpose of this exercise I will assume everyone has down loaded the Thought Diary posted here: but obviously the same technique will work with any design you prefer.)

In this example we will be using the Thought Diary, relaxation, and Socratic questioning to arrive at the ‘truth’ of the problem. The first thing to do in any kind of therapy is to relax. Remember you are not debating for your university you are trying to find the truth of an argument through critical thinking.

Closing your eyes let you mind relax too. Now slowly visualise the problem. This can come in the form of words or as images and some people find it easier to use a voice recorder(1) rather than stopping to write things down. Try not to analyses your thoughts just write them out in your journal (or use a voice recorder) in the form of a short statement the first negative thought that come in to view. Carry on until you cannot think of anything more, or you feel yourself becoming tired or distressed.

Relax again and in the first column of your Thought Diary write down the triggering event (the antecedent). In this case we can skip the next column ‘Time’, as the event is imaginary. Take a thought from your journal or voice transcript and write it in the third column of your Diary. For example; “if I get in the lift, what if it gets stuck?” Not “what if it gets stuck and I am trapped?” these are two separate thoughts. In the next column you can rate your level of anxiety with 0 being low and ten about to faint or have a heart attack and die! (I should point out that while you could faint it is highly unlikely you are having a heart attack, much more likely you are hyperventilating and/or having an anxiety attack, but if I am wrong and you do die of dread please feel free to comeback and haunt me. shappy)

Before we move on to the next column I would like to mention Socratic questioning. I do have three books on ‘critical thinking’ that I plan to review (one for under sixteen’s, one for 16 –18, and one for undergraduates), but these will come after the one on relationships and one on journaling, which I am writing now(2). Therefore anyone not familiar with the concept should look here first: http://ed.fnal.gov/trc/tutorial/taxonomy.html

Returning to our example we set up an argument:

Protagonist: “what if the lift gets stuck?”

Your alternative thought might be

Mentor: “What is the worse that could happen if the lift did get stuck?”

Protagonist: “I would be trapped”.

Mentor: “I this your real fear, that you would be trapped inside the lift?”

Protagonist: “well yes…” (Hesitant)

Mentor: “Why do you think this is so frightening for you, do you fear not being rescued or is there something else?”

Protagonist: “I dread not being in control.” “I cannot breath” (Query claustrophobia). “I am scared I wont be rescued”. Etc.

Obviously both the protagonist voice and the mentor voice are the same person in this case; no sign of phobia so no therapists are involved, although some people might wish to enlist the help or support of a friend.

Eventually the subject, in this case Jonnyjonny_uk’s girlfriend, will become relaxed enough to accept lifts at face value rather than trying to predict the future. In the meanwhile she might want to carry some flashcards(3) with both her NATs and the Alternative Thoughts written down on them.

(Note: if anything matches it is only because phobic thoughts follow a common pattern. I only ask questions, I cannot mind read… Or can I? :O :laugh.

Footnotes:

1/ I am currently looking for a replacement for my old micro-cassette recorder, one possible solution is the Olympus WS-300M or if I can find some reasonably priced software for the computer I might use that. In my case whatever I choose must be able to accept a good quality external microphone. Any suggestions?

2/ This is an example of ‘linguistic pragmatics’, obviously I am typing this rather than the review I claim to be working on, yet most people for who English is their first language will understand what I actually mean rather than take the sentence at face value. This is useful to remember when dealing with relationships.

3/ Flashcards can be bought from educational supplies or you can make you own from cardboard. Personally I recommend 3” x 5” ‘record cards’ the kind of thing picked up in any stationers quite cheaply.

I don't go in lifts but them im claustrphobic

Shy guy Wrote:When you say it does not present much of a problem, is this because of low levels of anxiety or because she simply does not come across that many lifts? For example; life in the UK is terrible for SP suffers like myself, but great if you have ‘Polar bear phobia’, I haven’t seen one in years. :laugh:

I mean she doesnt really need to use lifts and if she does walking the stairs isnt a problem. But her anxiety levels I would say are not that high when she is in one. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being worst I would say its 6.

Jonnyjonny_uk Wrote:My girlfriend is afraid of lifts and I wondered if anyone else has this fear and if they have tried anything to help?

Just lately I've been really nervous of elevators.
I tend to be ok if I'm with an adult or someone I know that I feel comfortable with but if I'm alone, I wont dare go in one.
Honestly, the only thing that has helped me is taking the stairs instead.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

Jonnyjonny_uk Wrote:

Shy guy Wrote:When you say it does not present much of a problem, is this because of low levels of anxiety or because she simply does not come across that many lifts?

I mean she doesnt really need to use lifts and if she does walking the stairs isnt a problem. But her anxiety levels I would say are not that high when she is in one. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being worst I would say its 6.

The problem with treating this type of anxiety is she has a point, just like with Ellen and her fear that the plane might crash. However when we look at the actual risk it is really quite small and does not really justify the levels of anxiety described. What this means in practical terms is they will both benefit form a cognitive based approach (for example CBT) rather than Systematic Desensitization (SD). In Katherine's case, her response to caterpillars has no rational justification, therefore SD will prove more effective with less upset.

The downside: Ellen and Katherine will both see improvements in their quality of life by getting treatment, however as you say your girlfriend is quite happy to use the stairs what she needs to weigh up is it worth going through the stress of therapy just to use the lift? If she says no then I would try the dialectical approach first and see if that helps.

Ana Wrote:Just lately I've been really nervous of elevators. I tend to be ok if I'm with an adult or someone I know that I feel comfortable with but if I'm alone, I wont dare go in one.

Ana, I think the real cause of some of your 'problems' is a lack of confidence and low self-esteem rather than phobia... I will pm you about it later, that will give you time to think about whether you agree or not.

Shy guy Wrote:

Ana Wrote:Just lately I've been really nervous of elevators. I tend to be ok if I'm with an adult or someone I know that I feel comfortable with but if I'm alone, I wont dare go in one.

Ana, I think the real cause of some of your 'problems' is a lack of confidence and low self-esteem rather than phobia... I will pm you about it later, that will give you time to think about whether you agree or not.

Well, honestly, I don't think that my elevator phobia has anything to do with low self-esteem.
Could you possibly explain what you mean by it being due to low self-esteem?

Ana Wrote:

Shy guy Wrote:

Ana Wrote:Just lately I've been really nervous of elevators. I tend to be ok if I'm with an adult or someone I know that I feel comfortable with but if I'm alone, I wont dare go in one.

Ana, I think the real cause of some of your 'problems' is a lack of confidence and low self-esteem rather than phobia... I will pm you about it later, that will give you time to think about whether you agree or not.

Well, honestly, I don't think that my elevator phobia has anything to do with low self-esteem.
Could you possibly explain what you mean by it being due to low self-esteem?

"I tend to be ok if I'm with an adult...". Why does it make a difference if you are with an adult? If you have a phobia wouldn't the fear be with you all the time? confused1

Younger people can be immature and stupid and make it hard to be around whilst older people can be more relaxed and friendly.

I feel like if the elevator stops that an adult would know what to do.
Myself or someone other than an adult wouldn't know what to do.

Ana Wrote:I feel like if the elevator stops that an adult would know what to do.
Myself or someone other than an adult wouldn't know what to do.

I see, so would it be fair to say your fear is confidence related?