Talking with Your Child's Teachers

When your child (or teen) suffers from anxiety, school may be difficult for them. The stress of completing homework, doing well on tests and getting along with the other children may create or worsen anxiety symptoms. Parents may need to talk with teachers and request their help in creating an environment in which your child can succeed.

Creating a positive relationship with your child’s teacher is not always as easy as it sounds. Parent’s emotions run high when their children are suffering. Their interactions with the teachers are often ruled by emotion. Teachers, on the other hand, are frequently overworked and may react sounding angry or as if they don’t care, even if the opposite is true. In reality, both parents and teachers want children to succeed in school.

Approaching the teacher positively can help develop a working relationship and develop an environment in which the student feels safe.

Approach the Teacher Without Offering Criticism

Parents sometimes use harsh or critical words when approaching teachers. For example, parents may say:

“My child’s work doesn’t deserve the poor grade, you must have made a mistake.”

“My child would not have failed if you would have contacted me earlier.”

“My child never had problems in reading before this year.”

In all of the above examples, the speaker is criticizing the teacher for being incorrect or for not having done something. When spoken to in this matter, teachers may become defensive. Their reaction can create even more hostile feelings. Children are left in the middle, with no one to help him or her get through the school day.

Instead of using words like the above, try approaching a teacher with a more helpful approach, indicating your willingness to work with the teacher to help create success:

“Can we talk about the grade Susie received, she normally does much better.”

“Can we set up a communication system so that in the future you can notify me if Susie is doing poorly. This way we can catch it early.”

“Can we discuss ways in which we can work together to improve Johnny’s reading skills?”

By approaching a teacher in this way, parents are not placing blame on anyone but rather suggesting that they work together with the teacher to make it a more successful school year.

Approach the Teacher with Requests Rather than Orders

Sometimes, parents need help from a teacher. It may be because a child has missed school and needs help in getting caught up. Or a child may need extra assistance in the classroom. Maybe your child needs to leave the classroom for a few minutes to help relieve an anxiety attack. Whatever the reason, again, there are two ways to approach the teacher.

Without meaning to, parents sometimes order teachers to do something.

“You need to help Annie with work she missed when she was sick.”

“You have to help Tommy with his missing work.”

Another way you might word these requests and receive a better response from the teacher might be:

“Could you please help Annie with the work she missed when she was out and help her to get caught up with her work?”

“Would you be able to please help Tommy with work that he has missed?’

By asking the teacher to help rather than demanding, you will probably get a more positive response and help to develop a better relationship, not only between you and the teacher but also between the teacher and your child.

Kindness Works

When parents approach teachers from a position of understanding and respect, more often than not, they will receive a more positive response from the teacher. Kindness works. When you reach out to the teacher in a respectful way, chances are they will respond in kind and offer you respect as well.


Separation Anxiety

Young children often develop anxiety when the major caretaker in their lives leaves, even for a short while. Parents frequently leave in the midst of tears and tantrums. This is a normal part of development and shows that a child and parent have a strong bond.

Separation anxiety normally begins around the age of 7-8 months, when a baby discovers a parent is a unique person and begins to differentiate them from the rest of the people that may be around them. At this age, they may cry any time a parent is out of their site. This anxiety can last up to the age of 18 months. Some babies, however, develop separation anxiety symptoms later and some do not ever show any anxiety when separated from parents.

Toddlers may become emotional when parents leave, however, at this age children can be distracted by activities around them and may quickly adjust to being without a parent for a period of time.

Normal separation anxiety can become worse during periods of high emotions, such as when over-tired, change of routines, holidays, or family situations like the birth of a sibling, death of a family member, divorce or illness.

By the age of five, when most children enter school, separation anxiety is normally minimal. Children may have a difficult time adjusting but this often only lasts a few minutes. At this age, children have learned to understand they will be reunited with their parents and feel secure enough to be left with a babysitter or at school without experiencing a high level of anxiety.

Separation Anxiety Disorder

For some children, however, separation anxiety disorder can impede a child’s ability to attend school. According to Helpguide.org, approximately 4% of children between the ages of six and twelve are impacted by separation anxiety disorder. Both boys and girls seem to be affected at the same rate.

Children with separation anxiety disorder fear both the idea that they will not see their family again and that something bad will happen to their family while they are not with them. They often become isolated, not wanting to be with friends and away from their family. In addition, they may avoid attending school because of their fear of leaving family members.

When separation anxiety disorder is left untreated, children can be at risk for developing panic disorder, agoraphobia, and school phobia. In addition, these fears can cause problems in developing normal and healthy relationships with both family members and friends.



Symptoms

Symptoms of separation anxiety disorder include:

Avoiding activities taking them away from home, such as going to school or going to a friend’s home.
Nightmares about being separated from parents, or fear of sleeping alone.
Becoming whiny or clinging to parents, following them from room to room or staying near them when outside the home, even if other children are playing in another room.
Constant worrying about parents leaving.
Physical symptoms such as stomachaches or headaches when they must be separated from parents.
Anxiety, worrying or panic if anticipating a separation from parents.
Trouble sleeping
Loss of appetite

When to Seek Help

If anxiety symptoms continue after a child enters school or interferes with your, or your child’s daily activities, you should speak with your doctor.

Additional warning signs that a child may have developed separation anxiety disorder include:

Crying when leaving a child at school or day care continues for more than 2 weeks.
Child continually complains of “not feeling well” in the morning before going to school but feels fine later in the day.
Children continue to have separation anxiety during elementary school age and beyond.
Symptoms of separation anxiety interfere with a child’s ability to attend school or spend time with friends.

Treatment

Treatment for separation anxiety disorder may include behavioral therapy, counseling and in some cases, medication. Treatment should be coordinated between parents, counselors, pediatrician and the school in order to provide the child with a high level of support.

Once the pediatrician has ruled out any physical causes of the child’s symptoms, behavioral therapy can help a child to face their fears under controlled situations. Home schooling is not normally recommended as this can create a more isolated environment. Instead, helping a child and offering support while they attend school each day can provide a better opportunity to reduce symptoms.

Medication, if needed, is frequently anti-depressant medication. There are a number of these medications that have been approved for use in children, but their use should be closely monitored and parents should be made aware of the side effects to watch for.

Math Anxiety: Clearing Up Some Math Myths

Most times, math anxiety appears because of a past bad experience with a math class. Based on this experience, someone can decide that they are no good at math and their present and future math learning is negatively impacted. Based on this, math anxiety is a learned response to a situation and therefore, with work, can be unlearned.

Before overcoming math anxiety, there are a few myths, which must be addressed:

Myth: Some people are good at math and some people are not.

While it is true that some people may be better at math than others, just as some people are more talented at music, almost every person has the ability to learn math. Ask your parents if you had a difficult time learning how to count or understanding the concept of numbers. Most probably, you learned how to count at a “normal” age and when you were just a few years old, you could picture what “2” cookies looked like. This is where math begins. This understanding shows that you also have the ability to learn math.

Myth: Boys are better at math than girls.

Even with modern day understanding that women are just as smart as men, this myth still is believed by many people. Today, it is accepted that women can accomplish just as much as men. But somehow, when it comes to math, many people still believe the opposite. There is no research to back up the belief that boys do better in math than girls.

Myth: Math is all logic.

Math involves concepts just as much as it includes logic. It is important to understand the concepts behind the calculations. Without understanding concepts first, the calculations will make no sense. Math, therefore, is a combination of both concepts and logic.

In addition to understanding the misconceptions surrounding math and how they can impact people’s perceptions about their abilities, there are a number of ways people can help themselves to overcome some of their math anxiety:

1) Ask questions

When you don’t understand something your teacher has explained, ask questions and ask for it to be explained again. If necessary, try to meet with the teacher outside of normal classroom time. This allows the teacher to spend on-on-one time to answer your specific questions and to be sure you understand the concepts being covered.

2) Change your negative thoughts about math



Although a difficult task, it is possible to change negative thought processes. One strategy is to write down each time you have a negative thought about math. This will help you to notice how often you have these negative thoughts and will allow you to begin replacing the thoughts with more positive thoughts. For example, if you notice yourself thinking, “I am not good at math” you can replace it with “I don’t yet understand this concept, however, with proper instruction, I am sure I will get it.”

3) Consider using a math tutor

Since math anxiety is often a learned behavior, it can be reversed with a positive experience with math. If you are having a difficult school year in math, using a math tutor may help you to better understand. Once you begin to understand the concepts, you will begin to gain confidence with the success you have with personal classes.

Accept you do math in your everyday activities.

Thinking in terms of math can help you to gain confidence. For example, math is involved in many activities you do everyday. Shopping, doing laundry and cooking all include math skills. Accepting and understanding this can help you to become more comfortable with the fact that you already use and understand many math concepts.

5) Accept that math must be practiced.

Math is similar to learning a second language. It must be practiced and used on a regular basis. The more you practice the skills you have learned, the more you will improve.

6) Read and review your math textbook.

Too often, math textbooks are not used and if they are, only the examples are referenced. Use your math textbook on a daily basis and read the information to help you understand the concept behind the calculations.

7) Find an appropriate place to complete math homework.

Homework should be completed in a quiet area with a minimum of distractions. Math is no exception to this rule. In addition you may want to complete your math homework when you are relaxed. Walk away for a few minutes if you are frustrated and go back to it once you have relaxed.

Math anxiety can impact self-esteem and success in other subjects. Taking extra time to improve your math skills can help improve overall academic performance.

Dealing with Test Anxiety

Most people feel some level of anxiety before taking an important test. This is normal. However, for some people, test anxiety interferes with their ability to either study for the test or to perform according to their abilities while taking the test.

Test anxiety can cause either physical or mental symptoms, or both and can be caused by a number of different factors.

Physical Symptoms

Physical symptoms of test anxiety include:

Nausea or upset stomach

Stomach cramps

Racing heartbeat

Headache

Perspiring or sweating

Tense muscles

Mental Symptoms

Mental symptoms of test anxiety interfere with the ability to take the test or to study for the test according to your ability. Some of the ways this occurs include:

Blanking out and forgetting knowledge you previously learned

Inability to organize thoughts

Difficulty understanding questions

Making careless mistakes

Forgetting key concepts

Reading material over several times without understanding

Inability to concentrate or focus while studying

Strategies to Help with Test Anxiety

Test anxiety, many times, is irrational. For most people, once they study for the test and have the ability to complete the test, a passing grade should be possible. Test anxiety can occur for several different reasons and strategies for coping with this type of anxiety would depend on why someone may become extremely nervous during test situations.

1) You feel nervous because you don’t know about the test.

This most often happens on standardized tests. The test may be unknown and therefore scary. For these tests, information is normally available. The tester can find out basic information, such as; the number of questions, the form of the questions (multiple choice, etc), subject matter included in the test, and how the test is scored. This type of information can provide a small level of confidence to the tester. In addition, some standardized tests provide sample questions or preparation booklets to help you learn about the test.

Negative thoughts can greatly interfere with our ability to take tests. The more we tell ourselves we will do poorly or that we are not smart enough, the more we begin to believe these things. Changing our thoughts is a difficult process but can be done. One way is to write down each time you have a negative thought and write down a replacement thought. For example, if you think, “I always do poor on tests” you can try to replace this thought with “I have developed a better way of studying and can use this to do better on this test.”

3) You are not confident in your knowledge of the subject matter.

This can be true or not true. Before you reorganize your study habits, think about whether this is a “negative” thought process or if you are truly unprepared for the test. If you are prepared, but continue to tell yourself you do not know the subject matter, try to replace this thought with “I have studied and am prepared for this test.” If you have not spent an adequate time studying, create a study plan to begin preparing for the test.

4) Physical symptoms cause you to do poorly on tests.

As much as you need to prepare for tests by studying, it is also important to prepare physically. Getting a good night’s sleep and having a balanced breakfast before the test can help you to feel more prepared. In addition, relaxation exercises can help to relieve stress both before and during the test.

5) Frequent distractions take away from your ability to take a test.

It can be hard to concentrate when there is activity going on around you. This can interfere with either studying for the test or taking the test. For studying, find a quiet area where you will be able to focus on the material, away from distractions. If you are easily distracted while taking the test, discuss this with your teacher and see if you are able to take the test by yourself or you can sit in an area of the classroom with minimum of distractions.

6) Your mind blanks out when you sit down to take a test.

Nervousness sometimes causes people to completely blank out when they sit down to take a test. To avoid this from happening, take a moment when you get the test to prepare your test strategy. Look over the complete test before you begin to answer questions. If possible, write notes in the upper corner of your test. For example, when taking a math test, write formulas in the corner of your paper before you begin taking the test. This way, nervousness will not cause you to forget.

Test anxiety can create a great deal of stress. Tests are meant to measure the amount of knowledge we have mastered in any given subject, but often it does not. If test anxiety is interfering with your ability to succeed in school, talk with your teacher to find other ways you might be able to share the knowledge you have in order to improve your grade.


20 Classroom Interventions for Children with Anxiety Disorders

Although anxiety does not necessarily impact a child’s academic abilities, it can affect their ability to learn. Parents and teachers can work together to help a child succeed in the classroom. There are a number of ways teachers can make the school day easier and less stressful for a child with anxiety:

Create a “safe” place for the child to go when anxiety symptoms are high or during stressful times. This may be the nurse’s office or a staff member’s office. Establish rules for the use of the “safe” place. These rules should include items such as, the student must inform the teacher they need a few minutes to calm down, and a set time limit.

Be aware of physical symptoms of anxiety and provide activities to distract the child. Calming activities, such as, reading or listening to music may help to alleviate some of the physical symptoms and allow a child to return to class work after a period of time.

Allow a few minutes at the beginning of the day for the child to transition into the school day. Additional transitional periods might be necessary for other times when routine is disrupted. This can be providing five to ten minutes for the child to prepare their papers and school supplies or simply a few minutes for the child to sit quietly before the school day begins. If the time before school is difficult for the child, it may be beneficial for them to either enter the classroom a few minutes before or a few minutes after the rest of the class arrives.

Talk to the student about what interventions they would find helpful. Having the student discuss strategies may help them to be involved in reducing their anxiety symptoms. This also provides the child an opportunity to talk about situations that cause anxiety symptoms as well as for them to be more aware of their symptoms.

Teach the child relaxation techniques they can do at school, such as deep breathing exercises. Talk with parents about the techniques used at home and try to incorporate them into the classroom.

For children avoiding school because of anxiety, offer suggestions such as coming to school for a shorter day. The longer the child avoids going to school, the more difficult it is for them to return. Allowing them to come to school for shorter periods will give them a chance to face their fears but may make it easier if they know they will be able to return home at lunchtime.

Use small group activities throughout the day. Children with anxiety may be better able to cope with small groups of a few students rather than large classroom study. Have the class break into small groups to complete class work to encourage participation.

Reward effort by a student with anxiety. When a child shows effort or is able to control their anxiety symptoms through interventions, let them know you have noticed and are proud of their efforts.

Create group activities that role-play appropriate behaviors. Teach young children what to do in specific situations. This can help all students learn how to handle situations such as anger management, stress reduction, test anxiety. Providing instruction to the entire class will decrease the focus on the child with anxiety.

Decrease situations that induce stress. Teachers can restructure assignments to decrease the amount of stress for a student. For example, instead of having a child stand in front of the class to read a report, find creative ways to complete reports. Allow students to make posters or record presentations at home on a tape recorder.

Discuss anxiety symptoms privately with the student. Never single out a child or call attention to their anxiety in front of the class. This can cause humiliation or embarrassment and increase anxiety symptoms.

Discuss alternative ways of handling situations. Talk to the student after an anxiety attack about how the situation could have been different or what strategies could have been used (by both the student and the teacher) to make the situation better.

Find books that address children with anxiety. Incorporate these books into reading curriculum. This not only helps the child with anxiety to feel better about their anxiety but also can help the other students in the class be more understanding of the condition.

Teach positive self-talk to the entire class. Helping children to be aware of the negative way they talk to themselves, such as the use of “I can’t” and help them to develop a more positive way of talking to themselves.

Post the daily routine in the classroom and let students know in advance any changes in the schedule. Letting students know exactly what is expected will help lessen anxiety. For a student with anxiety, a sudden change can cause a panic attack. Knowing in advance what the day will be like will help in transitions.

Help students break assignments down into smaller segments. This can help to decrease feeling overwhelmed by large assignments and help a student work on each section.

Play soothing music during down time. Many times playing soft music can help children to calm down and can relieve stress. During quiet activities or seatwork, use soothing music.

Incorporate exercise into the school day. Stop lessons for a few minutes or do stretching exercises in between lessons. This can help reduce stress.

Use computerized reading programs. Allowing children time to work on their own rather than in a large group can reduce stress and anxiety.

Discuss what sections of a book will be read aloud with a student before calling on them to read. If reading aloud in the class causes stress and anxiety, plan ahead of time and let a student practice a small selection the night before.

Helping Children Deal with Anxiety at School

Children and teens can suffer from anxiety disorder. For these children, school can be a stressful place. Starting in the early grades, children learn the importance of grades and school performance. They learn that some children are popular and some are not. Each day can be filled with stressful moments. Anxiety symptoms must be managed to cause the least disruption in a child’s school day.

Parents can take steps to help their children manage the anxious feelings and help them better cope with school:

Develop a Night Time Routine

Getting a good night’s sleep can help a child or teen deal more effectively with stress. Keep a routine at home so that your child goes to bed at the same time each night. Even teens need a nighttime routine to help give them stability and the proper amount of rest.

Provide a Balanced Breakfast

Children perform better in school if they have a balanced breakfast each morning. This can also help them to cope with the stress at school.

Incorporate Exercise into Your Child’s Daily Routine

An exercise program helps to keep your children’ healthy and relaxed. Even 15-20 minutes of exercise each day improves concentration and focus and may help your child’s coping skills.

Teach Positive Thinking Skills

Many times children will tell themselves, “I can’t” over and over throughout the day. Teaching them to replace these thoughts with “I can” will enable them to improve their self-esteem and will begin a process of overcoming negative thinking.

Teach Relaxation Techniques

Provide your child or teen with skills to help them relax during stressful situations. Deep breathing, visualization and focusing on relaxing muscles can help them better cope and calm down during stressful times at school.

Talk with Your Child’s Teacher

Set up an appointment to speak with your child’s teacher and discuss your child’s anxiety. Find some strategies the teacher can implement in the classroom. Ask the teacher to allow your child to go to the nurse’s office for a few minutes if needed to calm down and relieve stress.

Talk with Your Doctor if Symptoms Continue to Worsen

When anxiety symptoms do not go away or continue to worsen or consistently interfere with your child’s ability to perform well at school, talk with your doctor about anxiety and what treatments are available.

Information provided by Health Central