Im a 25 year old male. Had 6-7 relationships with women from the age of 16.

The first lasted until I was 21. We were very happy, in love and high school sweethearts. We moved in together at about 20yrs old and I very stupidly went to a strip club for my 21st birthday. I told my girlfriend the next day and she flipped. We argued and this kick started an anxiety and panic attacks I had never experienced before. She forgave me quickly but the original arguement kick started feelings of doubt, anxiety and depression I simply couldnt shake.
I was petrified. I couldnt think straight, eat or sleep properly for 2-3 months. For some strange reason all i could think about was 'i dont love her anymore'. I couldnt understand why??.... All i wanted to do was break up with her. I kept it all to myself until i thought i was going to burst. I told her 'i dont love you anymore' and I broke up with her.
We have never really spoken since and i was heart broken. I was so confused about my decision it took me months and months to get over.
All I wanted to do was bury the feelings of fear I had discovered and it seemed to work for the next 3-4 years.

Within those 3-4 years i had mini relationships with about 5 women. But as soon as i got with them I knew they would not be long term relationships and ended them all before they ever got going.

The last girl I dated lasted just under 2 years (recently ended end of july). I made myself relax and open up in this relationship as much as I could as i was sick and tired of my ways.
We get on so well. Shes attractive, the best sense of humour and we share more interests than I could possibly list.
Even though i wanted to open up to her from the beginning, i also felt as though it will never be forever. Even though thats all I seem to ever want and desire is marriage and kids!!!
Anytime she would talk about our future I would get angry or withdrawn and just put it all off as much as I could. I would feel so confused as i thought it was all i ever wanted!!!
About 6 weeks before we split everything was very good. We weren't arguing but we were discussing moving in together. I was see-sawing with emotions. I want to move in with her and grow up so much but then i was so scared i just wanted to run away and one night she started questioning my past with previous women as i think she was feeling a sense of jealousy. Her questions kick started those horrible anxiety feelings paired with over whelming thoughts of doubt.
It started again.... all i could think was 'i dont love her anymore and i have doubts about moving forward together'. It took over my life for weeks. I couldnt think straight, lost interest in everything, couldnt eat or sleep/relax.

So i did it again.... i told her i wasnt sure i loved her enough to move in with her and i split up with her.

She was devastated. She cried and said she didnt see it coming at all. I feel so guilty it hurts me to function. She wants me to sort out my commitment problem and is standing by me whether we get back together or not because she loves me.

Thing is. I am devastated too. I dont feel better for splitting up with her and i miss her.
All i want to do is tell her lets get back together but i feel torn. Im so scared that i just dont know what to do. One minute 'i love her' next minute im not sure i can do it.....

Im reading 'He's scared, She's scared' about working through commitment phobia and thinking of seeking psychotherapy to help find the reason behind my problem.
Cant help but feel my life is driven my fear....

Just wondered if anyone can help shine any light on my commitment problems and please share your own!!

Welcome to the forum and its a shame it coulnt be under happier circumstances

Mate, i really feel that you need to get some professional counselling because this is a grave issue that obviously can affect you for the rest of your life.

Its great that you see and understand that you have a problem....lets take the next step and try and cure or ease the problem. You have made great inroads simply by admitting you have an issue, many people cant do that

Have you tried explaining to her how you feel, how you think you have a problem and perhaps she can stand by you and help work through it.