The eternal question... how do you keep a conversation going?

I need tips! How do you do it? What do you say in order to keep a conversation alive and not just...die out?
I wish there were courses to take to teach you this stuff, but it seems to come naturally to people. I can honestly say that I'm awful at it. I wouldn't be able to keep a conversation going to save my own life. Not even with my parents who I feel comfortable around, it's not about the anxiety...I simply don't know what to say. sconfused

I've been googling a bit, and all webpages basically say the same garbage. "Ask questions" ...well duuh, it's that's easy eh? What questions? :shock:
If someone tells you a story, what do you reply? The only things that pop up in my head after someone tells me something are "Oh..ok", "Yeah...well that's no good", "Oh..sorry to hear that" things like that. And where do those comments lead? To awkward silences, another dead conversation.
No matter how much I try to analyse how other people talk to eachother...I just can't grasp the concept. confused1

So uh...tips? sconfused
Does anyone even relate to this? From what I've read, social phobics just have trouble with this during an episode of anxiety. When they're talking with someone they feel comfortable around, they don't have trouble keeping the conversation going. sconfused

I can relate to this, but I don't really have any tips (sorry!).

I truly wish that there were courses that could teach you a whole bunch of social stuff. :roll:

About the only thing I can say (and this is where my CBT comes through) is try and be rational during the conversation - remind yourself that:

** It's not the end of the world to have silence (in fact it's natural to have brief moments of it)
** It takes two to talk (us social phobics are very good at blaming ourselves!)
** You can change the subject at any time
** The conversation doesn't have to be perfect

Much easier said than done, I know!

Yeah trying to see things rationally is probably a good way to at least relax a little during a conversation. Rationality has never been my strong side though. :laugh:

So have you been seeing a CBT therapist or something? Do you find it helpful?

I've been doing the Dr Richards CBT therapy series for ages and ages now.

It's no major cure, but in terms of the treatments I've tried through the years, it's definitely been the most useful.

(06-02-2010 05:51 AM)Harold-L Wrote:  The eternal question... how do you keep a conversation going?

I need tips! How do you do it? What do you say in order to keep a conversation alive and not just...die out?
I wish there were courses to take to teach you this stuff, but it seems to come naturally to people. I can honestly say that I'm awful at it. I wouldn't be able to keep a conversation going to save my own life. Not even with my parents who I feel comfortable around, it's not about the anxiety...I simply don't know what to say. sconfused

I've been googling a bit, and all webpages basically say the same garbage. "Ask questions" ...well duuh, it's that's easy eh? What questions? :shock:
If someone tells you a story, what do you reply? The only things that pop up in my head after someone tells me something are "Oh..ok", "Yeah...well that's no good", "Oh..sorry to hear that" things like that. And where do those comments lead? To awkward silences, another dead conversation.
No matter how much I try to analyse how other people talk to eachother...I just can't grasp the concept. confused1

So uh...tips? sconfused
Does anyone even relate to this? From what I've read, social phobics just have trouble with this during an episode of anxiety. When they're talking with someone they feel comfortable around, they don't have trouble keeping the conversation going. sconfused

One of the best ways to keep a conversation is to use situational things to talk about. You're both sitting there talking in the same area and are exposed to the same kind of environment, so why not comment on what you see! Talk about the strange guy walking by with the funny glasses. Talk about how beautiful the weather is and what you like to do on a nice day. Use anything around you to keep the conversation flowing.

Another thing is to just talk about whatever you're interested in! It's no fun to talk to someone just for the sake of talking. It should be fun!

The problem with using situational topics of conversation is that they won't lead anywhere either though. I'll make a comment, the other person will reply, I'll make a short reply ...and that's the end of that topic. "Look at what the shirt that guy's wearing!"
"Harr- funny!"
"yeah!"
...
I don't think a lack of topics is the problem, I just don't know how to make those topics last. It doesn't matter if it's a topic that I feel strongly about, or simply a random comment about something I see, it'll end after one or two sentences.

(06-02-2010 05:51 AM)Harold-L Wrote:  The eternal question... how do you keep a conversation going?

I need tips! How do you do it? What do you say in order to keep a conversation alive and not just...die out?
I wish there were courses to take to teach you this stuff, but it seems to come naturally to people. I can honestly say that I'm awful at it. I wouldn't be able to keep a conversation going to save my own life. Not even with my parents who I feel comfortable around, it's not about the anxiety...I simply don't know what to say. sconfused

I've been googling a bit, and all webpages basically say the same garbage. "Ask questions" ...well duuh, it's that's easy eh? What questions? :shock:
If someone tells you a story, what do you reply? The only things that pop up in my head after someone tells me something are "Oh..ok", "Yeah...well that's no good", "Oh..sorry to hear that" things like that. And where do those comments lead? To awkward silences, another dead conversation.
No matter how much I try to analyse how other people talk to eachother...I just can't grasp the concept. confused1

So uh...tips? sconfused
Does anyone even relate to this? From what I've read, social phobics just have trouble with this during an episode of anxiety. When they're talking with someone they feel comfortable around, they don't have trouble keeping the conversation going. sconfused

I feel the same way! I always lose the conversation because my answers are like the ones you've listed and are very short lived