alexsc12 Wrote:Well Christ. Something has to be said for my progress here.

Sure does! :laugh:

alexsc12 Wrote:I was talking to a lad from my school on MSN. He's one of the crew I've never really plucked up the courage to talk to, you know? Anyway, we talk about music and he said he's going to see Funeral For A Friend soon. I thought about it for a minute, then thought "F*** it. It's late, I'm tired, I'm feeling good. I'm going for it." So I says where is it? Leeds. Close, that's good. When? March. Not too far away but not too soon, also good. Is it sold out? Nah. Fantastic. That decides it. I says "I'll see if I can grab a ticket." He says "Awesome. You can come along with us."

Words really cannot describe how I'm feeling. It seems like the tiniest little thing, but in my head I just won the Battle of Waterloo single-handed. I've gone from feeling like I'll never fit in anywhere to going to a concert with pretty much my ideal friends. The only thing which can burst this bubble is my mum saying no, but I aren't thinking about that for now.

I'm ecstatic.

EDIT: Just wanted to throw in that for all my usual over-analysing and self-loathing, I don't think it went badly. I'm proud of myself, what I said and how I handled it. Maybe I'm finally on the mend

You should be very proud of yourself. stongue

Way to go. Feels good to make 'accomplishments' like that, doesn't it? Hopefully this'll lead to a bunch more oppurtunities like this.


And, sorry for just... randomly posting in your diary. :laugh: I wanted to congradulate you though.

Quote:The only thing which can burst this bubble is my mum saying no

Are you sure I can't help burst it? You're doing me out of a job dammit.


Bloody happy people. Pah ~




but seriously - "that rocks dude" headbang - [ iz I kewl nuff to cum 2 da conzut wid yaz? ]

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alexsc12 Wrote:No Ian, you are far too old to be forming a mosh pit, sorry. However, I feel kind of bad for doing you out of a job so maybe I could get you some Neil Diamond tickets or something?

That's awfully nice of you. To save you the postage - and me having to bring them back to you - feel free to roll them up yourself and shove them into an orifice of your choosing. :laugh:

Quote:Life is damn good, although I am a little worried about my major ups and downs. I went from being very, very depressed to being on top of the world with no event or reason. Not that I'm complaining, I'm enjoying my good mood _cheesygrin::

It's good to see you bounce back so well - but I understand it can be just as concerning when you aren't sure why or how.

I think what does it - the going 'up' - is when we achieve something that required our own effort. It's like patting yourself on the back for a job well done. And it was. You made a decision and it paid off. That's a win/win - cos you tried and succeeded.

Sometimes you make the effort and it doesn't pay off - but that's still only a win/lose

Not making the effort is unlikely to get you the pay off - so lose/win doesn't happen at all.

And not doing anything and getting nothing for it? Happens every day. Lose/lose.

So the lesson today children is -

Don't send me Neil Diamond tickets.

And - it is better to try and to fail than to never try at all.

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Quote:Overall, my life is pretty poor right now. I'm desperately clutching at straws for tiny wins to get me through the day. Sorry that my return to this diary is a depressing one, but I feel like I need to use it again. That's what it's there for, I suppose.

Of course this is what the diary is for.... or anything else - it's your diary so do what you want.
And I hope you don't mind my responding in your diary.

Sad to hear the mosh pit didn't come off. Perhaps you can come see Neil Diamond with me? :roll:

The thing you can take away right now tho is - good is possible. It may have been brief and it may have not come off - but feeling good is actually possible.
It would be nice to have that every day - but then it would get boring.
So I guess it's nice just to have more good days than bad ones.

So you've noticed the behaviours coming back. The thoughts too.
Have you noticed they're related to your mood?
The lower you get the easier it becomes to believe the bad stuff?
And the more bad stuff you believe - the lower you get - and stay.

And your mood is related in a big way to life. How things are going makes a difference to how we feel.

What happened with the 'mainstream education'?

If you can identify your problems in life - then you can work towards removing them - or at least make them not so bad.

What are the 3 things in your life (not the OCD) that you'd like to change right now?

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alexsc12 Wrote:

Mr Ian Wrote:If you can identify your problems in life - then you can work towards removing them - or at least make them not so bad.

How? Please, if you have any suggestions, I'm listening.

Okie dokie.... are you ready?

Quote:

Quote:What are the 3 things in your life (not the OCD) that you'd like to change right now?

I wish I had more friends. Or any friends for that matter.
I would like to lose some weight.
I would like to return to school.

I wish I had more friends. Or any friends for that matter.
Firstly, don't look so much at what you don't have. Take a look around at what you do have. You'll be surprised. Sometimes we don't realise 'friendships' that do exist and sometimes we forget the friends we do have because we get so used to them being there.
That doesn't mean to say I think you don't need friends.
What I think is more likely is you'd like to have more social engagement and have opportunity to hang out with other people - be involved ... and to be 'connected' with others.

Moving schools will make that kinda difficult I guess - new people and all that. But it's also new opportunities. You don't have to be all 'out there' to make friends and you'll probably feel better with ones who are a little quieter anyhow to match your own level of self-confidence.

There's other things to do too.
Local clubs or events; school activities.
What are the options you've got where you live?


I would like to lose some weight.
You and me both mate!

Do some of this....
And less of this.... spam1 occasion15 happy1

Is there a reason you can see for being overweight?
My reason is I eat too much, don't exercise enough and I eat too much.

I'm trying to cut down to eating too much just once a day! :laugh:

Set yourself a small target.
Don't aim for weight loss tho - aim for either reducing food intake or increasing exercise.
Easiest way to start is often done by cutting out extra foods/drinks that are high in sugar.
This helps to get your body used to using the 'surplus' energy stores (the fat).
Don't cut out the sugars all in one go tho... you'll go nuts!
Cut out coke, fanta, pepsi - there's huge amounts of sugar in them - have diet instead.
Tastes like crap - but you get used to it.
Reduce high carb foods too - like potato, pasta, rice, chocolate
Replace half your potato serving with something else that's low/no carb like sweet potato or vegetables (some veggies have high carb counts tho like peas and carrots)

If you can't cut out enough of the high carbs... do more !

Weigh yourself before you start - then weigh yourself weekly to see if it's gone up or down. Sometimes takes a while for change to happen tho so set yourself 4 weeks of doing that.
Don't go silly tho - pace yourself or you'll never keep up with it.

I would like to return to school
Ok this one's gonna take some clever play.

Make a list of the problems you've had attending school. Keep it simple and to the main issues - like social anxieties or not having a social network.
Ask to speak to the guidance counsellor or your tutor.
Tell them you would like their help to get a plan to get you back in to mainstream school.
Ask them for a list of things to do and a list of things not to do.
Keep it simple - like "Turn up" ;]

Here's the important part -
As you go through making a list of "target behaviours" - let them know why it's been hard for you to do them in the past.
Show them your list of "problems"
Ask them to help you think of ways to overcome the problems that you face.

It's all good saying "You must turn up more" - but if the problem is that you're anxious around others, how is "turning up more" going to get better if the same problems are causing you anxiety?

I think it's unfortunate your social anxieties got you into this trouble; it's not that you're 'bad' - you have problems mixing with others.
I'd also tell them about your desire to meet and make more friends.
If they're worth anything they will help you set that up.

But the bottom line is - you've got to put into it to get anything out of it. It's not their responsibility to make you better - but they have a role to help you.

If the tutor you don't get on with is a turd (that's a professional clinical term :wink: ) see if you can find another one instead.
But I'd guess if you fronted up to the tutor with honesty and motivation - they're more likely to be useful and want to help.

Now... go do some blob8 til ya blob6

Don't expect it all to happen at once.
I want weekly reports on progress and we'll see if we need to 'tweak' the plans a little ... but add to the diary whenever something good or bad happens along the way.

How's that sound? sbiggrin