(more for me then for everyone else so DO NOT feel obligated to read this cuz its super long and just a pity party)

So I moved completely out of my house I shared with my ex (yay!) in to my moms house (*sigh) and am completely alone, no friends, nothing ().

Basically most my friends were guys before me and my ex got together. He was crazy, and I was stupid, so I quit talking to all the guys I was friends with and didn't have many friends in the first place really. The girl friends that remained were 1-she set us up, has been friends with us for years 2-was really good friends with but she got divorced from her husband no longer cared about her kids and started jumping from one bed to the next so she was out and 3-not really a "friend" But talk to her often but she literally has NO empathy for anybody-she is odd, so not someone I can go to and talk too.

Once me and boyfriend broke up he had no friends to talk to so he talked to friend 1 ALL THE TIME about everything with us and he is a compulsive liar and twists EVERYTHING around. I was upset he was talking to her all the time cuz we were together for a long time and for one he lied about talking to her all the time but I was hurt he could not talk to me at all. He turned it into me being pissed they were talking, told her this, blah blah blah, she then didn't want to talk to me til I moved out.
Then I moved out, was mad he was saying this so yelled at him for basically takling anything I ever had that was good from me. My only/best friend he could not stop talking to about me and was ruining my friendship. He said she wasn't mad. I forwarded like 2 messeges she sent me yelling at me cuz of him then he tells her I'm sending him all her messages. Last I heard from her was "did you forward my messages to him?" and I replied just the one blah blah blah, and we were supposed to hang out today and I have not heard from her.

As it is I know we are never going to be the friends we were now period. But now it looks like not at all. She knows my ex is a crazy liar. I don't care if she stays friends with him but I am pretty pissed she is believing him over me cuz I DON'T LIE. ever. I never lie. one of my bigger faults is i'm too honest. But basically I have no friends now. I can't go back to the 2 guy friends I had 2 years ago and haven't been able to talk to all this time really. I text them here and there kinda but even thats not to honest. I know I did it to myself really but now i am like completely alone. I can't sleep at night unless I am messed up from something or another (drinking, xanax, stoned, combination etc.) and I know thats horrible I realize.
I am starting to talk to someone a decent amount though-actually ex's step brother, but me and him hit it off the first day we met which was the same day I met my ex (not like date hit it off-but like family same type of person hit it off) so he is helping a lot. But I kinda feel like I am using him. I am really.... but I will always want to be his friend but i know i text him and bother him ALL the time now cuz I can't help it cuz I just need to talk to someone.

I want to cut SOOOOOOO bad (haven't-yet at least- go me!) and really want nothing more then to kill myself. No "hate" mail on that cuz I never would. I have animals and I need to take care of them. I have 3 actually and as long as I have something to take care of like that I would never actually go through with anything. Granted as much as I love them I often wish I did not have them so i could just end it and then I feel guilty for that.

My ex's step brother is taking me out soon to meet his friends cuz he think we would hit it off cuz we are all similar I guess so maybe that will help if i actually make friends with them which is SOOOO hard for me cuz i'm just soo awkward and have a horrible sense of humor. idk. I just am falling apart I guess.

God this is HORRIBLY LONG. sorry if anyone sat threw it.

Slaka, I hope you don't mind my saying but I think you need to learn to see the value in yourself more. I think you are a tremendously sensitive and moral person who wears the heart on the sleeve and unfortunately, this sometimes makes you an unwitting target to some.

I barely know you other than your posts here and I can tell you without a word of a lie, I feel a friendship is being formed. If you were to leave right now and never return, I'd certainly wonder what happened to you and I'm sure others here would as well.

This is the foundation of friendship IMHO.

You can never control how people act or what people think. The best thing you can do is put your cards on the table and those that support you are the friends worth keeping, the rest can go to h3ll.

Posting as you did above is a tremendous step toward airing your laundry and facing the issues weighing you down. Either posting as you already have or discussing these skeletons is one of the first step toward ridding them from your closet forever.

I applaud you for sharing and can only hope you feel comfort enough to share more!

Hey Slaka,

What alter-ego is saying is very true and its funny, if i was 30 years younger and single, judging from your posts i would jump out of my skin to meet you.

You really are undervaluing yourself I know its hard and i know it hurts, but please try and meet some new people and make friends because im sure that theres many people out there that you will get along with famously.

Moving back into Mums is probably a bit hard but hey, lets see the positives and enjoy spending time with her. Mine died last year and i can assure you, i consider you very lucky. You saw your mum at Christmas, you saw her at Easter.......I would give my right arm to have just 5 minutes more with my Mum....but it cant happen.

Things are certainly changing for you and im sure that it will be for the better. You would make a great friend and You have lots to offer some lucky young man

Regards

Awwww you guys! *Hugs*

I am already feeling a bit better. I have decided to throw myself into school and when not that to throw myself into Ofear. It has like millions of old posts and this stuff really helps me so I might as well start reading thru them. I actually am trying really hard to be positive but it kinda catches up with me every now and then (see original post lol).

Thanks a TON Snooks for bringing me over here! I really have this connection already and would be lost if I had to go without it for a week. Hell I had no internet from Friday til mid Sunday and the first thing I did was sign on here!

I bothered my newish friend a bit more and he reassured me all is good. I really do know him well enough to know its true so I'm making myself feel less guilty about it and with those comments from you two I really am feeling better-and :heart:ed.

Quote:You can never control how people act or what people think. The best thing you can do is put your cards on the table and those that support you are the friends worth keeping, the rest can go to h3ll.

Agreed. The way I see it is, quality over quantity with friends. You need people in your life that will be supportive, not people that jump at causing drama. With that being said, try and look at this whole situation as a positive thing Slaka. I know it's hard but maybe you needed to rid yourself of certain people to be able to move on and find other people to become friends with, etc. I know it's tough to see things that way when you have difficulties being social and making friends but, if you're a good person, you'll manage. Maybe you won't be able to go out and make friends left or right but people enjoy spending time with people who have genuine, good qualities. Thus, you'll find new friends with time.

Anyways, I hope things start looking up for you.

I actually think I'm starting to find a bit of inner peace. Granted everytime I do something seems to happen. Hell last night on my way home I hit a bunny. ;( I barely got him but big car little bunny.... so when I went back to check on him I realized i had to hit him again. I BAWLED my eyes out. Haven't cried much lately even though been going thru so much but that bunny tore me up!

I am kinda ok with loosing that friend. We have kinda been growing apart now for a while which once I stopped to think about it all-she is still content being that irresponsible kid and I'm not that same person anymore. Looks like I'm going out to some bar thursday with a friend who is trying to help me meet friends and I am TERRIFIED already but after a couple drinks I should be ok. I'll let you all know how it goes.

I got one final done. 45 out of 50. about to start the other which I don't think will be as good though but still happy with the first. Ofear is helping me put off taking the second so yay for procrastination!!

*shocked*

I took my other final and got 44 out of 50. I was so lost on the 2nd half of the book I don't know how I did almost as well as the final on the 1st part of the book! But I did. Go me.

I got a 92% in the class over all which i'm pretty happy about. Been trying to be at 93 for the 4.0 but I'm happy with a 3.9.

NO MORE SCHOOL!!! yay!!!!!!!
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.
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til may 7th ish and my next class starts...

Man....we are going to have to call you "Kick Butt Slaka", cause thats exactly what you did

Thats a pretty amazing score and well deserved. Enjoy your short break from school

(04-27-2011 05:12 PM)Snooks Wrote:  Man....we are going to have to call you "Kick Butt Slaka",

Super Amazing Kick Butt Slaka actually...

*bows to right* Thank you
*bows to left* Thank you

(04-27-2011 03:45 PM)Slaka Wrote:  *shocked*

I took my other final and got 44 out of 50. I was so lost on the 2nd half of the book I don't know how I did almost as well as the final on the 1st part of the book! But I did. Go me.

I got a 92% in the class over all which i'm pretty happy about. Been trying to be at 93 for the 4.0 but I'm happy with a 3.9.

NO MORE SCHOOL!!! yay!!!!!!!
.
.
.

til may 7th ish and my next class starts...

You got a 92% in the course overall? I'm jealous!

Anyways, way to go Slaka!

Yep. I use to take more then one class at a time but my grades were just ok so since I take one at a time because I will devote more time to that class so my grades actually look good. I'm not a bookworm when it comes to homework. I throw things together last minute but I guess I just do it better one class at a time. lol
next class probably wont do so well. The first half of this accounting class was easy. The second half I was pretty confused on and my next class is another accounting class. I expect it to build on the parts I don't understand. Makes me nervous. But I'll make sure I pass at least.

School is a good place to meet new friends. Don't hesitate to find not just one but as many friends as you can. It will help you a lot.

I am currently taking online classes which makes it more difficult. But even when I was going to actual classes the people I get along with best are typically much older then me so its not like we will go "hang out". I often have been able to find people I get along with really well in my life but seem unable to get it to the point of actually going out and being friends. I can meet 'friends' at work, but never see them outside of work or know how to get past that point.