Looking to chat with parents suffering from this crippling disorder. I have found a great playgroup that has brought me out of my shell a little but still daunting getting out the house. worrying about worrying is the worst (Kalms help lol)

My son is 2 yrs, my daughter 5 months. I find being 27 but looking younger brings more attention and so makes social phobia (paranoia of others negative thoughts towards me) worse. I do find it helps when I can see other mums at playgroup not in a click, on there own, lookign content as i think..how do I know if they arent going through the same. Helps me say hello, even if the conversation dries up (usual) to the point they then feel awkward or make me feel awkward but thats more likely to be because they go through similar rather then snubbing me)

Any parents with SP/SA find parent teacher days scary too? I'm yet to discover nursery. Im hoping the busyness of going to and from nursery with my son will busy my mind too.

I always said when i had children SP/SA would go away. Dont get me wrong I fight it but it certainly isnt gone!!

Hope to hear from you

Claudette x

Hello Claudette and welcome to oFear

Im afraid I cant offer any concrete advice, but i do feel that simply posting and talking about your issues will help.

Raising young children is never easy and especially wth your problem, but hopefully to some extent having the children may benefit you? Like you said, the forced interaction may gradually help and hopefully you can meet one or two other parents that will open up and you can become friends.

I believe you mentioned starting a FaceBook page? Can you advise the url or address, i would love to visit it

Welcome to Ofear Claudette.

I'm sorry to say that I can't be of all that much help either seeing as I'm not a parent. I do suffer from social phobia though, so I can relate with you. Social phobia is hard enough to live with yourself, but knowing that it might affect your children has to be tough. At the same time though, as Snooks said, it might give you an opportunity to actually get better. It's hard to motivate oneself to do things that are scary, but you have your children to motivate you too, so that's a good thing.
And hey, you managed to actually get a family despite your problems. A lot of social phobics don't (that's one of my fears, I don't want to be alone all my life because of my problems). So that's a good thing. (gotta focus on the positive, right?)

Have you been seeing a therapist or something? Would that be a possibility? I know it's hard to take that step when you suffer from social phobia, but it might really help you.

I'm sorry that I can't be of actual help though.

Just wondering but once you had children was it easier for you to push yourself with your phobia? Its something I am afraid of. I know I wont be taking the meds I do now when I have kids because I don't want to have that knocked out feeling when I around them and its something I worry about. I do plan on investing in self help books on communication with people and how to mingle etc. because I know there has to be something out there. But If I find something perticularly useful (when I get the books-probably not for a few weeks) I will post on here for sure and if I find a truly helpful book I will let you all know so if anyone is interested. the fact that you are able to approach people like that tho is AMAZING and I'm sure there is something in one of those books that helps with easy exit lines before it gets to be an awkward silence.

However I was at a little concert a couple months ago and this chick just came up to me and said a few things about the band and seemed really cool. convo went well but then it had the odd silence after a bit and she pretty much said "ok well now this is a bit of an akward moment so I will see you around!" and just walked away with a smile. I thought it was great and just laughed at the fact that she just poiinted out the elephant in the room yet still walked away smiley instead of unconfortable.

The fact that girl walked away smiling... hold on to that memory when ever you find dealing with this too tough. Thats gold. I've read one social phobia book, briefly but got the jist of it. we use saftey behaviours to mask the awkwardness or make ourselves feel useful/busy in social situations by...checking our phone if we waiting for a friend, trying to stand correctly even tho we dunno what to do/how to stand etc. but its these saftey behaviours that actually make us stand out. the more u can fake your confidence, the better you start to feel cuz u can see the reactions of ppl how positive they are instead of when we hate ppl for acting the ignorant way they do...but in reality we look damn miserabel...cuz we are. we are lil lil psychopaths really hehehe. Dexterrrrr no but seriously it does work but its bloody hard work. And can feel like god ...this feels so fake. but just try it. The more i go out and do things with my kids the more i realise i worry about worrying tooo much. theres plenty of parents on their own at playgroup not wanting to talk to me... makes me go over and say hi now. but i have very bad days (inside my head, my kids see a happy loony mother that want to throw em in the air. but some days i dont feel good enough and find myself paranoid that my child is thinking im rubbish or talk fake or arent normal. but I have to push the thought out but saying that my son usually wipes that thought right out by running over giving me an unconditinal cuddle. Its easy for me to say try going out more, try jumping into scary situations that make you feel sick but that is what cbt will offer you. its very frightening and i dnt like ppl rushing me or forcing me to do anything. so i make sure i do go out daily or every other day with the kids and get on a bus etc and when i do i think i am good enough, noone is better or worse then me. even though i tend to judge ppl soooooooooooo badly, and fear they judge me too cuz all the negative things i think about others or myself im convinced others think. i always try and justify what ive said or make fun of myself to others like even my husband. If I feel ive done something embarressing or feel he's thinking something negative ill say it sarcastically. ill do it to other friends when i feel embaressed so that they know i know ive just acted silly. does that makes sense? Anyway fine me on facebook claudette glitherow but like and post on my social phobia - parents page first so i know who ya are x

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Reading back... half of what I wrote doesn't even sound English!!!! lol apologies for the **beep** (moderator message: watch the language)<<<--- see thats what I mean about saying things when I feel embarressed for the mistakes I make x

I am also horrible for judging people. Really bad. But I justify it because I am also really judgemental on myself. Who says 2 wrongs don't make a right? lol
Its horrible. I know.

yes, it is as a parent to have social phobia. Why? because you are your kids role model. what your kids see on you may be followed by them as they grow up.