Hi everyone. I'm new to this forum. I wont go into the details of why I joined just yet, just that I have a phobia & the people I know & are close to dont understand, so I hope if I explain my predicament here, someone will understand & be able to help me out. I'm a slow typer so I will wait till I have more time to explain my problem. Cheers, Lionheart.

Hello Lionheart,

Welcome to the community

I sorted out the post confusion and as such, you got your very own welcome thread.

Looking forward to chatting with you when you have a bit more time.

Cheers,
Snooks

(06-22-2011 09:53 PM)Snooks Wrote:  Hello Lionheart,

Welcome to the community

I sorted out the post confusion and as such, you got your very own welcome thread.

Looking forward to chatting with you when you have a bit more time.

Cheers,
Snooks

Thanks for helpin me out Snooks. As I said before I will explain my problem when I have more time, its time for bed now. I will probably have time to explain Friday night. Will it be ok to post it here or if not where do I post it? Thanks again. Appreciate your reply. Cheers Lionheart.

Welcome to the forum Lionheart.

When you're ready to post about what exactly brings you to this forum, this will be the place to post it. Well, here or in one of the sub forums. So, if depression is what brings you here, you could make a post in the depression sub forum, etc. There's sub forums for anxiety, OCD, phobias, etc. Here would be fine though.

And I'm sorry if I just confused you even more.

Anyways, hope to see you around the forum!

welcome lionheart

Welcome, Lionheart, looking forward to your posts! I hope we can help!

Welcome to Ofear!

If it helps any-when I post I kinda just post where ever. If I think of something while in a separate thread I just end up posting it there. lol. Probably not the best way to go but I haven't been yelled at yet for it.

Take care.

Hello everyone. My problem began back when I started out in the work force when I left school. I was quite naïve & did’nt know what to expect & I ended up with a boss that had a habit of verbily abusing his workers. Instead of standing up for myself I just I just kept on trying to please him & do the right thing. God knows why cause I certainly stood up for myself at school, to teachers & schoolmates alike. I guess I just thought the workforce was a different situation, but anyway 5 years of being verbily abused in that job took its toll & I ended up being depressed & eventually had nerves I could’nt control. Panic attacks I guess you would call them although I did’nt know that at the time.I thought when I left that job things would return to normal but I never really fully got my self confidence back again. Over the years I have struggled with bad nerves & panic attacks in certain situations, mostly when I felt I was the centre of attention. I would get the shakes or hyperventilate to the point where I could’nt speak properly.
The panic attacks etc. have mellowed down over the years, but because of what I was going through I made a decision never to do speeches or public speaking & thought people would understand but they don’t. I have avoided doing many speeches & planned to continue that way. Had to speak in front of only 9 people once & my nerves kicked in & I could’nt even speak properly, I have got that way that I just don’t trust my nerves, but anyway I had better explain what I am leading up to. You see I have a Daughter that I love very much, she’s 21 & plans to get married next year,& as you probably know the Father of the bride usually has to make a speech at the Wedding & so I’m thinking perhaps I should make speech for my Daughter, but that is the problem. With my nerves the way they are, how on earth am I going to achieve this. People say just have a go & you’ll be right but I know I won’t be. I can tell myself over & over that I will be ok but I know when the time comes my nerves will kick in & I will panic attack in front of everybody. If I end up doing this speech how will I survive it.
I was wondering was there some sort of medication I could take that would kill my bad nerves to help me achieve this, or should I just continue as I have been & not do the speech. It’s a catch 22 situation if you know what I mean, damned if I do, or damned if I don’t. I'm petrified about having to do a speech. Could someone please help me with what I should do. Cheers Lionheart.

Welcome to Ofear Lionheart!

To answer your question: have you heard of betablockers? If you really really want to get that speech done, and the main thing that's stopping you is anxiety, betablockers might very well be the way to go. You could probably get them from your GP. They won't actually "cure" you, but they'll be able to remove anxiety symptoms for a certain amount of time. So that's one thing to consider.
I personally think you should just try to explain the situation to your daughter. Tell her how nervous you get during public speaking, that you'd love to give her a speech but that you just don't feel that you could go through with it. She should be able to understand. Both you and your daughter should be able to be happy and anxiety free on a day like that. What's the point of a tradition such as that if it only makes you anxious? So I would simply try to explain it to her. But as I said, if you really want to give it a try you should read about betablockers and see if you could get your hands on some. I've never used them personally, but I've read that they're supposed to be very effective.

(06-25-2011 07:49 AM)Harold-L Wrote:  Welcome to Ofear Lionheart!

To answer your question: have you heard of betablockers? If you really really want to get that speech done, and the main thing that's stopping you is anxiety, betablockers might very well be the way to go. You could probably get them from your GP. They won't actually "cure" you, but they'll be able to remove anxiety symptoms for a certain amount of time. So that's one thing to consider.
I personally think you should just try to explain the situation to your daughter. Tell her how nervous you get during public speaking, that you'd love to give her a speech but that you just don't feel that you could go through with it. She should be able to understand. Both you and your daughter should be able to be happy and anxiety free on a day like that. What's the point of a tradition such as that if it only makes you anxious? So I would simply try to explain it to her. But as I said, if you really want to give it a try you should read about betablockers and see if you could get your hands on some. I've never used them personally, but I've read that they're supposed to be very effective.

Hi Harold-L. I fogot to mention it, but I did buy something from the chemist called rescue remedy & tried it but I dont think it worked on me. Some people say it works & some say it does'nt, everyones different I spose. But I will find out about betablockers. Thanks for the reply. Cheers, Lionheart.

Welcome to oFear Lionheart, you are certainly among people who can understand and empathize with phobias.

When it comes to public speaking, it's good to remember that not only you suffer from it, many people do. In fact, musicians, actors, and public speakers commonly feel nervous tension or energy prior to taking the stage; it's quite normal really.

There are many tricks to feeling easier when it comes to public speaking. The one I've heard used most commonly is to pretend the audience is naked but that never worked for me because there'd either be a babe in the front row or some old, overweight, person that I'd never want to imagine naked.

I too feel anxious in front of an audience and I'm extremely social and usually the centre of attention, especially at parties. In the times I've spoken publicly like at weddings, I recall being nervous but nobody actually noticed. In fact, most of what is making you nervous is probably performance anxiety related so if you can just deal with your performance (speech), you'll go a long way toward helping to settle your jitters.

Just for the record, you may never feel calm in front of an audience, most of us won't; but enjoying the moment and being confident in what you are saying will always help you get through it with practice making perfect.

Try to socialize with as many of the people at the wedding as possible prior to the speech. Since you are the father of the bride, you have the perfect opportunity to meet everyone and get to know them at some level.

The beta blockers should help with the speech if its something you are determined/want to do. But you will need to try the medication before you actually do the speech and see if it works (the dose may be too low or high) so i would recommend trying them when you start to have a panic attack before the wedding if that is the way you plan on going.

Hi Duke & Slaka. I realize of course that everyone or most people get nervous with public speaking or being in front of an audience, but most people are able to control their nerves & keep them hidden. That is where my problem is as I dont have the control or ability to hide them. My bad nerves can show up in many different ways & when that happens its just out of the blue & unexpected. Then once I know that people realize I am not in control of my nerves, its like the domino effect & they just just get worse from that moment on. As I said before my hands shake a lot, my heart nearly pounds out of my chest, I hyperventilate to the point where my words come out distorted or not at all, & in the case of a speech, my normal thought procress ceases to function as in mental blocks. Something like getting up there & imagining that the audience is naked or in their underware does'nt do a thing to control my nerves, you see I'm not just a bit nervous with things like this, I'm freakin petrified.
This is why I joined a forum like this, as I feel my family & friends cant help me & dont understand & I am at my wits end as to know what to do. The only other person that knows the story about how I ended up with bad nerves & panic attacks is my wife & even she cant fully get a grasp on what I am going through. The only reason I feel that I should do this speech is cause I think people will think a lot less of me if I dont do it, its the peer pressure I guess, but then if I do the speech & fail, which the way my nerves are I probably will, then people are gunna think less of me anyway.
Lionheart.

It certainly sounds like you're putting yourself under some level of unnecessary pressure here my friend. I'm sure your daughter will understand if you can't make a speech but maybe it's in your best interests to talk to her about it?

I was looking over Glossophobia a bit and found some decent information at Wikipedia. There are some organizations listed that try and help those suffering from this phobia such as Toastmasters International, maybe some of the tips and tools they offer can help?

Anyway, I didn't mean to downplay your phobia so I hope it didn't come across that way in my original response. I was merely trying to communicate that what you suffer from is rather common. Although you may have sharper symptoms than some of us, you're still not alone.

I'm very much willing to bet that in your lifetime you've seen a speech made by someone who was nearly terrified to death of the audience, we all have. I remember one speech I had to give at a large wedding, I was so nervous that I didn't feel when the wire from the champagne bottle went through my finger, literally skewing it and making it bleed like no tomorrow.

...but I got through it is the point I was trying to make.

I think a lot of what scares us about public speaking is fear of some level of failure. We also don't want to appear nervous or uncertain in front of a crowd yet some in the crowd are nervous for us.

The one thing I did read in looking into this topic is that preparation goes a long way toward helping alleviate some of the pressures of public speaking. Maybe prepare your speech and practice it in front of some loved ones that you feel confident speaking in front of. The more you prepare, the more this speech will feel like routine which can only help settle your nerves somewhat.

With me I know if I was in your situation I would pass out regardless of how much preparing I did. In school I failed my speech class, granted for like the first speech I tried to do I had to sit down half way through in the middle of it because i was about to pass out. I didn't do any speeches after that...

However if doing it is that important the beta blockers should truly help with that extreme anxiety and for that specifically I would strongly recommend talking to your doctor about it. But they do come with a lot of problems/dangers associated with them for long term frequent use. Personally I have had moments in my life that I truly would have not been able to get passed without them. (work presentations, and even one on one meetings that are 'serious' with a lot of eye contact I can not handle even if I am not in trouble or its not even about me.)

Public speaking is a common fear, but with those with anxiety problems it is common that it puts 'us' over the edge to the extreme side. Still know that you are not alone with the severity of your anxiety as well.

Take care.