(03-10-2012 07:38 AM)Lionheart Wrote:  So I resolved myself to the fact that I had paid for a coffee that I wasn’t even going to get to drink.

I read of a survey finding that people are willing to give up tickets to go somewhere if they're sick and know they won't be happy if they got them for free, but not if they paid. The idea is that you shouldn't do or use something that you know will make you unhappy, even if you paid for it. It'd be tough for me too.

Quote:Even though I can’t control what happened I get a feeling of guilt, like I have let everyone down

Why do you feel you let them down?

Quote:sometimes people can be real nice to me, & yet I will still think that they don’t like me.

Haha, I do that a lot, particularly with women. They frequently fake emotions to avoid immediate conflict.

Quote:So you are probably wondering have I ever had therapy for the way I am, & I have on two occasions. Once when I was unemployed back in about 1995, & another back in 2004, but on both occasions, it just felt like I was explaining myself to the back fence, & it didn’t help me out at all really. I think I unluckily went to see two therapists who weren’t really doing there job.

How are you with reading? You can Web-search articles and books for anxiety, and possibly plug in other really specific words for your situation. For books, check their reviews on Amazon or a similar site (you might want to skim dates and reviewer history for authentic review verification, especially if there's only a few reviews for a book).

Thanks for the reply 1convivial. You bring up some interesting points, but I will get back to you with a reply later on tonight, I have a day off work so I am going to pursue my hobby. Cheers Lionheart.

Quote:I have a day off work so I am going to pursue my hobby.

Which hobby would that be Lionheart?

Back again. I have pretty much learnt to accept the way my anxiety is at the age I am at now & I don't think there is much more I can do to make it much better. I have learnt to keep it in check a lot more than I could in my younger days or avoid the situations that bring it on, but I am coming up to a situation where people are going to expect me to do a speech & the truth is I just would rather not do it.
To answer your questions 1convivial, I did eventually get to drink that cup of coffee, but it was a good 20-25 mins before I had calmed down enough to pick it up again. Silly I know but for a while there I thought I would have to leave the restaurant without drinking it.
As to feeling guilty after I have had an anxiety attack I guess it stems from the fact that when you are with a group of people they expect you to get involved to a certain extent, but when your nerves go out of control it makes you stay away from being centre of attention & you don’t want to get involved as much in case your nervousness shows up again.
The funny thing is with people not liking me, is that I myself think that I may be a good bloke but I don’t think other people think the same way, but I shouldn’t be concerned with what other people think anyway, its just that my anxiety causes it.
And with the feeling that the therapists or psychiatrists hadn’t helped me out, I have seen psychiatrists on movies helping people out, & they delve into their pasts & ask lots of questions, something which just didn’t seem to happen with the two I went to see. Anyway, its all in the past now. I have read a couple of books on panic attacks & anxiety but I guess I could benefit from doing a bit more research.

BTW Snooks, I must answer your question before I go. My hobby is rebuilding a 1934 Ford ute. I have already done up another early Ford before & it has been registered & on the road for many years, but I have this other project on the go now, & it will keep me busy for quite some time. I have played around with cars for most of my life. Cheers Lionheart.

If im not mistaken its probably the sort of ute pictured in the TV show The Waltons.

Nice old bit of machinary

Yes Snooks. It is pretty much what you see in the Waltons, just with a few minor differences cause it's a bit later model. I started to do it up before our kids were born, but the project went on hold while they were growing up, but now they are older & getting their independence, I have been back out in the shed working on it. Can't say when it will be finished, but if I spend the hours on it, it will get there eventually.
Speaking of the Waltons, now wasn't that a good show to watch.
Cheers Lionheart.

Thanks for updating Lionheart!

Though it's still months away, have you made a decision regarding the speech?

Although maybe not conventional, is there perhaps someone else that could give it instead?

Would it be possible to do something "innovative" like have a pre recorded video presentation or even an audio presentation....make it like it was done so its something exciing and new

Just a thought????

Interesting idea Snooks! very creative.

Hello again. At first my wife was hoping I would do the speech at the Wedding, but then I think she has realized how stressful it will be for me. I think she does understand my anxiety to a certain extent as she does have a bit of anxiety herself, but not the uncontrollable nerves like I do. She has an anxiety about visiting the dentist as a lot of people do, but it’s different for me, as even though I have an anxiety problem I am totally relaxed at the dentist. And some people can be unnerved about peak hour traffic but that’s another situation that I am totally relaxed about.
Anyway Globetrotter, my Wife has also decided it’s probably best I don’t attempt to do the speech & there is someone else who may do it. I feel bad that it has to be this way, but people are just going to have to understand. If I knew of somebody else who goes through what I do, I would fully understand & not be judgmental about it. And that is what I think is worrying me the most, is people not understanding, especially my older brothers & sisters as I have never discussed my problem with any of them. Growing up in my younger days, I wasn’t able to discuss problems with my family, they just weren’t that type of family, you just had to keep things to yourself & that’s what made it a lot harder for me when I developed my anxiety problem when I started out in the workforce.
I have more to write but will have to do it later tonight.
Cheers Lionheart.

It's good to hear that you've made some progress regarding the issue Lionheart.

I had better finish what I had to say from yesterday, was busy with family last night & then went to bed early. In reply to what you suggested Snooks, A video presentation could be something to consider, or a photo presentation, my daughter has thousands of them. What we were thinking of doing is presenting our daughter with something at the Wedding that has a lot of meaning to her. We have something in mind so we just have to organize it. Lionheart

I think the important thing to keep in mind is that your daughter KNOWS its not that you dont wish to give the speech, but that you really CANT.

So an alternative as we have discussed may be the best option.

I hope all this works out ok

Its still a while to go for the Wedding. I think I do talk myself out of doing the speech because I am scared of what my nerves will come up with on the day if I do the speech, even if I take medication. I still think I will take some sort of medication though just to get me through the day.
I still keep randomly thinking that people don't like me, even when they probably do. Why do I do that? That feeling alone sometimes contributes to a feeling of panic. Lionheart.

I really do worry a lot about people not liking me, & it seems to be worrying me a lot more lately. Why am I like that?