I'm very straight and only recently ive been experiencing these gay thoughts.. sometimes they come on strong and then go away (usually when im in social situations). Im definitely not gay. These thoughts disgust me and i have no idea why they just keep coming. im 19 and its only been bugging me the past few days. I dont find men attractive, nor do i find any gay acts arousing.. in fact its the opposite. I love women, had a relationship in the past that didnt turn out too well, and i currently do have a crush on a girl who is just amazing. but the anxious feelings that you get when you have a crush are now replaced in my mind by random gay thoughts... its really distressing and i dont want these feelings at all.

can someone help me out? and help me sort out this confusion? because this girl i like, i really dont want any sort of thoughts that i have to get in the way of something good that could happen between us...

Hi mypoorbrain. Welcome to oFear.

mypoorbrain Wrote:I dont find men attractive, nor do i find any gay acts arousing.. in fact its the opposite.

If you're not attracted to men, then you're not gay. I know that doesn't help much as it's pretty basic, but it's the the way things work. When you have an attraction to a certain gender then, well, you feel attracted to people of that gender. If you don't feel any sexual, etc attraction to men, I can't see how you would be gay.

Do you have low self esteem problems? Maybe a past of being bullied or not feeling accepted? Based on what I've read about HOCD, most people seem to fear not being accepted. Since being gay isn't all that accepted by the majority of people, it'd make sense for someone who's afraid of not fitting in fearing that they may be gay (as the end result would be not fitting in).

Not that I'm saying that's your problem. It might just be a fear that's come about.

Basically, if you know you're not gay, then there really is nothing to worry about. The irrational part of the fear is what's convincing you otherwise.

its weird... i still have it but i asked a girl out and it went away for a while... now its back. It only seems to come when im stressed or worried, which i am now because i have stresses in college... arrgh its just annoying! I keep having to say "IM NOT GAY!" over and over ssad

You can't really control where your mind takes you, so make sure you don't beat yourself up about that. You know who you are attracted to, so you are the final authority as to what your sexual orientation is, and not your mind's aimless wandering.

The best thing to do is to just observe your thoughts and not attach any emotion to them, the same way you would watch a play in a theater. If your mind has these thoughts and you let it lead you to a negative place, you are no longer watching the play, but you are acting in it. Acting in a play requires much more energy than merely watching one.

So yeah, don't feel guilty or upset with yourself about this, because your mind will cause you to use energy on these thoughts instead of on worthwhile things. I hope this has been helpful.