First off I would like to say that this HOCD started like 5 weeks before 17th birthday (started around the 2nd week of july). I also never had a girlfriend before

So this is how it started: My friends and I were smoking our occasional marijuana, like we always do, we have been doing this for about a year or so now. One day when we were done smoking and hanging out(I play soccer for like 5 hours a day, it's basically my life and i'm on a team and i'm the 2nd best player on the team), I decided to go home and as I walking home, this question repeatedly played in my head out of no where: "Are you gay?". I don't even like playing soccer anymore because of this crap, this is how bad it's affecting me.

When I get high I LOVE to fantasize about girls because it just makes it more fun interesting. But now, because of this, I don't think I can enjoy smoking marijuana any more because it will just haunt me even more.

I NEVER had feelings for another man EVER in my life. I never have and I never will, but my brain keeps telling me I am gay but in reality, i'm not. I even made out with a girl and touched her every where when I was 14 and LOVED it. I also had a HUGE HUGE crush on this girl in my class last year (junior in hs), I would fantasize about her all day and all night. I have NEVER done this with another man. Why is this haunting me? Am I really gay inside but just hiding it? I get really anxious when I see other males, I feel like i've lost my taste for women and it feels like i'll never fall in love with a girl ever again. Now i'm just busy proving to myself that I am not gay.

I can't take this anymore and it's ruining me, I don't know what to do please help. I just hope this is HOCD because I know for a damn fact i've never had feelings for another man EVER IN MY LIFE. Why is this happening to me. It feels like I will never be my old self again, where I used to fantasize about women like crazy and enjoyed them A LOT.

Thanks for reading

Hey there!
Well I can see how much you'e annoyed about the idea of being gay. But being gay is having feelings for men, and fantasizing about them. In your case, you're saying that you have never had feelings for men, nor fantasized about them or whatsoever, so for now you're not gay!

Not having a girlfriend doesn't mean that you're not man enough to have one, it doesn't have to be a reason for the haunting thoughts you're dealing with.

This is ruining you, because you are giving it the permission to do so. Be confident and convince yourself that you are not gay (I'm not saying that there's something wrong with the gat society.) which you're clearly not!
Try to deny the fact that you think you just might be gay, and trust me in time you'll forget about it. BUT on the other hand, if you keep thinking about it, and change your lifestyle because of that and quite soccer and everything, you will start believing that you're gay and then trun gay in the end eventually.
It's up to you, but it is HOCD apparently!
Good luck xx