Hi im new

Heres my story can anyone tell if i have hocd?

It started off when a girl whom i have known since the age of 3 statred in my work. when we were younger we woudl play houses and do the kissing scenes etc ha ha and as soon as I seen her this clicked back into my head and the thought of being gay or bi has been in my head ever since. I get intrusive thought, images and dreams. It has prevented me going out and going on girlie nights with my friends and having sex with my boyfriend as these intrusive thoughts and images pop into my head and make me ill.

I went to a cognative behavioural therapist and that worked for about a month and all of a sudden it has came back and i cant stop thinking about a lesbain in my work whom I got on with fine before this and in no way do I find her attractive and also a pretty girl in my work whom I had a panic attack because fo her. I feel sick when i have these thoughts and when i am about to see my boyfriend (this is guilt of having these thoughts and also the worry thst I dont love him). I know i do and hes the best thing ever. I also get groinal reactions which convince me that I am aroused.

Last week the doctor put me on fluroxetine and beta blockers These worked good on fri, sat and sun but intrsive thougts, images and dreams were back yesterday and today..


can anyone help xxx

Hi Kolellie.

kolellie Wrote:It started off when a girl whom i have known since the age of 3 statred in my work. when we were younger we woudl play houses and do the kissing scenes etc ha ha and as soon as I seen her this clicked back into my head and the thought of being gay or bi has been in my head ever since. I get intrusive thought, images and dreams. It has prevented me going out and going on girlie nights with my friends and having sex with my boyfriend as these intrusive thoughts and images pop into my head and make me ill.

Before this friend started working with you, did you have any thoughts about girls? Were you attracted to them in any way before? Did you have fears that you would be?

Children don't hold the same emotions and importance to things like kissing. Not to mention, at 3, most children want to be adult like. They see grown ups kissing on TV and in person, then act that out to be 'adult like'. So, I don't think you guys did anything wrong. You were young.

kolellie Wrote:I went to a cognative behavioural therapist and that worked for about a month and all of a sudden it has came back and i cant stop thinking about a lesbain in my work whom I got on with fine before this and in no way do I find her attractive and also a pretty girl in my work whom I had a panic attack because fo her. I feel sick when i have these thoughts and when i am about to see my boyfriend (this is guilt of having these thoughts and also the worry thst I dont love him). I know i do and hes the best thing ever. I also get groinal reactions which convince me that I am aroused.

Are you still seeing your Cognitive Behavioral Therapist? Did you tell him/her that the treatment doesn't seem to be working as well as it had before? If you haven't it might be a good idea.

Why is it that you have trouble with the lesbian at your work? Are you afraid that you might feel attracted to her?

As far as your boyfriend goes, if you know that you love him, then I think it's safe to say that you love him. The irrational part of your mind is just trying to convince you that if you feel feelings towards women, you couldn't possibly feel anything for him. Which isn't true. Even if you did/do have an attraction to women, you can still love him.

kolellie Wrote:Last week the doctor put me on fluroxetine and beta blockers These worked good on fri, sat and sun but intrsive thougts, images and dreams were back yesterday and today..

Medication takes some time to start working properly. It needs to build up a bit in your system. So, I think you'll notice a difference with time.

The only one that can really figure out whether or not you truly have an attraction to women or you just have HOCD is you. If you've never felt an attraction to women before this friend started at your work, then I don't think you're attracted to women. You've just been reminded of something from your past that's started you worrying and thinking irrationally.

I wish I could be more help. Hopefully someone else'll come along to help though.

Best of luck.

"The only one that can really figure out whether or not you truly have an attraction to women or you just have HOCD is you."

Having suffered on HOCD myself for 10 years, people that are trying to help should be very careful with making such statements. Even though they are well meant. Statements like this will just encourage focussing on the obsession even more i.e. the fear of being gay.

The trick is not try to figure it out at all. Figuring it out will just cause anxiety which block your true feelings, and fake other feelings. You can't simply grep your true feelings, you can't prove them either. As soon if you try to grep them... OCD will make them slip through your hands and simply manipulate them. You don't want to feel attracted to the same sex....so you keep on checking and proving yourself. As soon as you notice these repetitive thoughts .... the repetitions won't stop as long as you satisfy your conclusions....... Stop.... realize it is your OCD.....you know what you really want. Your thoughts don't make you who you really are....YOU!!!!! chose who you are.

Being in a relation does not mean the end of HOCD. I actually had my strongest case being in a relation. Don't!!!!!!! Be happy!!!!

Poeple wouldn't make it to these forums if they weren't suffering from HOCD.

HROCD Wrote:"The only one that can really figure out whether or not you truly have an attraction to women or you just have HOCD is you."

Having suffered on HOCD myself for 10 years, people that are trying to help should be very careful with making such statements. Even though they are well meant. Statements like this will just encourage focussing on the obsession even more i.e. the fear of being gay.

Although I don't personally suffer from HOCD, I do suffer from my own anxiety related problems, and my statement was based upon my experience with those things. Anxiety tends to be irrational thinking (with HOCD the irrational thinking is thinking you're gay when you're not). But, I think the majority of people, with a bit of effort, can still separate their irrational thoughts from the rational ones. I know the OCD 'part of you' will try and turn those rational thoughts into something that's irrational, but I still think it can be done.

HROCD Wrote:Poeple wouldn't make it to these forums if they weren't suffering from HOCD.

Maybe I'm going about answering these questions the wrong way. I was trying to be somewhat 'diplomatic' with my answer. Which probably didn't help any.

Anyways, I meant no harm. Just trying to help.

Of course no offense. It is always good to be there for people. ssmile

I have suffered from other OCD forms too. However the HOCD and ROCD (relationship OCD) forms are slightly more complex. In my case seeking reassurance with "normal" people often lead to even more confusions. "Normal people" simply don't speak the same language:

Yes.....you can be gay. These things simply happen. It's okay to be gay but I can also imagine you would feel anxious about it. That is simply the social stigma you feel. etc..... Yes.....you can be in a not good relationship. If you have really so much doubts about your relationship ? Then I would indeed just end it.

........You get my point ?

Its much more easy for normal people to understand that it is bullshit that you will get aids from just touching somebody. In such case they understand that your doubts are not normal.

Don't seek reassurance with your doubts !!! Fight the OCD beast !! Watch the thoughts. Don't react. label them with OCD. Focus your attention on things you like.....and move on !!!
In some cases it might even help to speak them out loud, "Yes, i am gay so what."
Although you won't really believe it, it might stop the negotiation process
Then focus your attention on things you like.....and move on again !!!

HROCD Wrote:I have suffered from other OCD forms too. However the HOCD and ROCD (relationship OCD) forms are slightly more complex. In my case seeking reassurance with "normal" people often lead to even more confusions. "Normal people" simply don't speak the same language:

Honestly, I think the reassurance thing is related to all forms and stems of OCD. OCD sufferers are well know for asking for reassurance to help them try and 'deal' with their compulsions, but, in all honestly, it doesn't help. Even if I were to talk to someone with OCD and say "Hey, do you think that light switch is switched off properly?" they could say yes, and I'd still feel the effects of the compulsion.

The whole reassurance this is just us trying to find a way to 'mask' the pain and get over it for the moment. In the long run though, it never does any good.

HROCD Wrote:Don't seek reassurance with your doubts !!! Fight the OCD beast !! Watch the thoughts. Don't react. label them with OCD. Focus your attention on things you like.....and move on !!!

I agree with all of that. That's what I was trying to point out before, in less words though. You need to take the time to recognize the irrational and the rational. It's hard, but I think it'll help a bit. As you said, once you find your triggers, compulsions, etc you label them as OCD and file them away. I know it doesn't help much, but I think it does some good in the long run.

And sorry for taking over your thread kolellie. :laugh: Hopefully this stuff'll help you a bit.