Hi, everyone! I haven't been on in a long time and many things have changed for me since my last visit. I successfully managed my type 1 diabetes and my depression through a pregnancy and had my daughter almost two months ago. She's the wonderful bright spot in my life, I'm so thankful she is here and healthy. Before, I was here venting about hubby's unemployment, which lasted for an ENTIRE YEAR! Days before his unemployment benefits were to run out and about a month before I was due to deliver, he took a temporary job an hour from home. We both hated it, his boss (a family friend) was an absolute jerk and in my early weeks post-partum, I was pretty much on my own. He's now working part-time at a local pharmacy, which is better than nothing.

So this is where I feel hopeless: my dream for when we started a family was to someday be able to work part-time. I know me being a stay-at-home mom isn't likely, because I'm a dental assistant and we get free/discounted dental work. All I want is for my husband to actually WANT to take care of me. I voiced this to him last night and he kept answering me with, "I'm going to get more hours, you know this is going to take time." No kidding! My whole point was, "I want you to want to take care of me." Yet again, couldn't successfully penetrate the male brain with my reasoning, and I'm frustrated that he doesn't want to provide for me. I've worked at the same job for the last six years (so I wouldn't lose my health insurance) and I think he's had at least 7 different jobs, but I've lost count. I'm a firm believer in "if you make your bed, you must lie in it," so walking away is not an option. I just wish someone could tell me how to deal with living like a single mother in a marriage. I just know in my heart he will never be unselfish enough to take the lead and take care of me; at least not even close to the way I've taken care of him. Meanwhile, he acts like I should throw him a parade because he volunteered to pick up more hours at work WITHOUT ME ASKING HIM. Pat yourself on the back if if makes you feel good, but it's what you ought to have done in the first place. I just don't know what to do. I come off maternity leave on Monday, so I'll be back to work full-time for what seems until eternity. I'm still breast-feeding/pumping so I'm not sure if I can take Xanax. I've stayed on my Celexa and will continue it as long as it works for me. I'm just venting, feels like I'm hitting a brick wall.

Kelly

simispark Wrote:Hi, everyone! I haven't been on in a long time and many things have changed for me since my last visit. I successfully managed my type 1 diabetes and my depression through a pregnancy and had my daughter almost two months ago. She's the wonderful bright spot in my life, I'm so thankful she is here and healthy. Before, I was here venting about hubby's unemployment, which lasted for an ENTIRE YEAR! Days before his unemployment benefits were to run out and about a month before I was due to deliver, he took a temporary job an hour from home. We both hated it, his boss (a family friend) was an absolute jerk and in my early weeks post-partum, I was pretty much on my own. He's now working part-time at a local pharmacy, which is better than nothing.

Welcome back simispark! shappy Congratulations on the pregnancy and dealing with your diabetes as well. Sounds like you've definitely been busy and accomplished quite a bit.

simispark Wrote:So this is where I feel hopeless: my dream for when we started a family was to someday be able to work part-time. I know me being a stay-at-home mom isn't likely, because I'm a dental assistant and we get free/discounted dental work. All I want is for my husband to actually WANT to take care of me. I voiced this to him last night and he kept answering me with, "I'm going to get more hours, you know this is going to take time." No kidding! My whole point was, "I want you to want to take care of me." Yet again, couldn't successfully penetrate the male brain with my reasoning, and I'm frustrated that he doesn't want to provide for me. I've worked at the same job for the last six years (so I wouldn't lose my health insurance) and I think he's had at least 7 different jobs, but I've lost count. I'm a firm believer in "if you make your bed, you must lie in it," so walking away is not an option. I just wish someone could tell me how to deal with living like a single mother in a marriage. I just know in my heart he will never be unselfish enough to take the lead and take care of me; at least not even close to the way I've taken care of him. Meanwhile, he acts like I should throw him a parade because he volunteered to pick up more hours at work WITHOUT ME ASKING HIM. Pat yourself on the back if if makes you feel good, but it's what you ought to have done in the first place. I just don't know what to do. I come off maternity leave on Monday, so I'll be back to work full-time for what seems until eternity. I'm still breast-feeding/pumping so I'm not sure if I can take Xanax. I've stayed on my Celexa and will continue it as long as it works for me. I'm just venting, feels like I'm hitting a brick wall.

I'm sorry if I misunderstood, but is the problem that your husband possibly doesn't have the same 'life plan' for the time being as you do? I mean, did you two talk about things before and decide that you'd work part time while he worked part time? Either way, I'm sorry to hear that things aren't quite working out the way that you'd hoped they would. I can understand why you'd want to work part time and stay home with your daughter as much as possible. It sounds like you know where your priorities lie though. If you're husband isn't in a full time working position where he can carry most of the financial burden for the family, then it's not really the time for you to switch to part time work.

Have you tried explaining things to your husband? Have you told him you'd really like to stay at home and work part time? I'm sure you've talked to him, but maybe you haven't sat down and had an 'in depth' talk with him.

As far as advice goes, I can't say I have much to offer. Just try and talk to your husband again. Hopefully he'll understand and want the same things that you seem to be working for.

And, with anti depressants, I believe that they don't recommend that breast feeding mothers take them. I'd phone your doctor or the pharmacy just to be sure though.

Best of luck.

Hi, welcome back!

Sounds like you've had a hectic time dealing with things, and well done with your new baby.

With regards to your husband, how is he with your new addition. Sometimes the problem can lie in the fact that the dad is struggling with the new addition as well? Could that be the case for you?

In regards to men seeming to want a pat on the back for doing things without you prompting them, i can certainly sympathise. Maybe encourage more hours, based on working around your work as well, so that you can have time together, and alone, with your baby.

Good Luck, and let us know how things improve