My first relationship turned really ugly and he did things that are unmentionable. He was also really bad in the fact he saw no issue with having 2 relationships at the same time…

This really shook me up, as he basically lead 2 lives, 2 sim cards, 2 emails… It meant that I really struggled to trust a guy not to do it to me again, as I blamed myself.

Now I am getting all these memories back again after a MASSIVE argument with my bf (new one since last time I was here…) and he said I might not like some things he says… Am I too boring for him, don't do the right things, I love him so much, and thought we were really ok, now I don't know and I am so scared. What did I do wrong :'(

How do I get rid of the memories of my first relationship, when they are now plaguing this one

Quote:Am I too boring for him, don't do the right things, I love him so much, and thought we were really ok, now I don't know and I am so scared. What did I do wrong :'(

You shouldnt be thinking that youve done anything wrong, its not all your fault. Sadly, sometimes things dont work out, issues arise that cant be resolved, sometimes you just grow apart.......but its never YOUR fault. There was 2 people in that couple, not just you.

Memories are hard to erase and are you really sure that you want to? The sad times are helpful to me, i guess i can think back and then really appreciate how fortunate i am right now. Like all people, i get a bit lax, or ungrateful and then when i think of the really hard times, or people worse off than me, then i wake up and get my act together.

You will be sad for a while but if you are confident that breaking up was the right course of action for you, then try and be strong, change your routines and perhaps try and take up an interest with an old and trusted friend.....it may get your mind off things for a while

(11-30-2011 02:48 PM)Snooks Wrote:  Memories are hard to erase and are you really sure that you want to?

I need to let them go, they cause me to have panic attacks, and think the worst of people, when I know deep down that they will never do that sort of thing to me.

These aren't so much sad memories, as detrimental memories, which need to stay in the past, and get out of the present.

They physically hurt, and make me wish that I had succeeded at suicide when it all first happened, which then brings back the suicidal thought to now… and the downwards spiral gets faster. I don't want to go back to that place again…

(11-30-2011 09:42 PM)miss-interlectual Wrote:  They physically hurt, and make me wish that I had succeeded at suicide when it all first happened, which then brings back the suicidal thought to now… and the downwards spiral gets faster. I don't want to go back to that place again…

When you start feeling like that, that's the time to seek out help. Have you ever seen a therapist/counselor of some sorts miss-interlectual? If not, have you ever considered doing so? Sometimes all we really need is an outsider to listen. Bottling everything up doesn't work forever.

Honestly though, don't let yourself feel as if your life isn't worth living. I'm sorry to hear that you were hurt in the past, but don't let those hurtful people win.

As Snooks said, memories are hard to erase. Someday, when we're least expecting it, old memories are brought to the surface thanks to the present. It's hard to find a way around that. In my opinion, what you need to do is find someone to talk to about things. That way, maybe you can find some sort of closure. Maybe you could get to the point where you remember, but those memories don't make you feel hopeless. Getting past blaming yourself is probably your first step.

I am seeing a counsellor, first appt is actually today <.>. I just find it really hard to talk about the problems, and the only other time I had a counsellor, I just constant shied away from telling them what happened.

I just feel like having a messed up past is leading me to mess up now, and that it is my fault, I should be stronger, and not let it bother me, but I can't.

Hopefully today won't trigger any bad feelings… But who knows

Good luck with the appointment, i hope it goes well for you

Well yesterday failed spectacularly.

They ask all these questions, meaning that you have to tell them your problems etc. Hoping that you will then be able to get some help, but no, they respond with "your a complex person, and I am not sure if this service is the best one for you…" SO WHAT WAS THE POINT!!!!

Spent most of last night persuading myself drinking myself into oblivion was not the answer, and talking to my boyfriend to reinforce this. Feeling a bit better today, just fed up of being passed from pillar to post.