Hey there,

So I've been feeling a lot of anxiety and stress (as everyone does) over these thoughts that keep popping up in my head that I don't want. It feels like I'm arguing with myself I think "am I gay?" "No I'm not I don't want to be gay" and constantly keep questioning myself. I have a boyfriend and we've been going out for a year now, we have sex and the sex is great with him, but its been stressful because I keep thinking "do I really love him? What if I'm just in denial?" I have liked a girl once, but nothing sexual, I've always had guy friends and never had a close friendship with a girl so when she'd be all close and hold hands I was taken aback and misinterpreted these actions as a like-like deal, because I don't hold hands with guys unless I like them. But I got over that feeling, and I also made out with a girl out of curiosity and the hell of it, but I felt disgusted of it afterwards, I didn't feel anything for the girl. I don't think these actions would make me into anything, and I honestly don't want it to. I have looked into hocd and I believe my actions are similar. I get anxiety and fear of being gay, I don't like the thoughts of being gay, I don't find pleasure in it nor do I want to be gay in general. I dint want to make excuses, but I wish I knew for sure whether or not I'm in denial. I love my boyfriend very much, and I want to be with him forever, I need these thoughts to leave and this anxiety to vanish. As for the typical 'checking' that comes along with the thoughts, I don't watch porn, I don't like porn in general, I check to see if my heart starts racing faster, I've been checking often but randomly. Please help me, someone reassure me that things will get better and that I have the ability to get rid of these thoughts. I also don't like it when people kiddingly call me gay or lesbian, it doesn't help me at all and it causes me stress. I'm 18 and I'm planning on going to college, I was about to within a month but I was going through too much stress and decided to stay at home and go to a community college, could the stress about college have caused this? My thoughts are getting worse too and I just want them to disappear, I hate them and if it continues I don't know if I'll be able to actually form a friendship with a girl in fear that I might start to get feelings for her, and I don't want that. Please help me.

Thank you.

Hello Thingamijig51

18 is relatively young and you are probably still curious regarding sex and you are also still working out your own sexuality.

I dont think that you are gay but many people do report having these thoughts and being curious........though this is obviously causing you distress. I truly feel it would be worth having a chat with a Counsellor as this can hopefully help put your mind at ease.