Ok so basically everyone has been through tough stuff in their life. Sometimes that results in PTSD. Thats kinda where my question comes in. PTSD has its own symptoms and I know certain things will trigger you into "being" right where you were when the tramatic situation was. Something simple-song, smell, noise, whatever throw you into tears because you are stuck on your past.

For me its like everything in my life seems to feel like (I would think) PTSD. Like I will hear a song or just be reminded of a bad moment in my past and its like my brain is right back to reliving it. I almost never go into panic attacks, sometimes will cry but I HAVE to relive the whole thing. I can't just make myself stop I have to think about the whole situation. But its EVERYTHING from my past. Even little things that don't mean anything.

I saw a shrink before (who really was nuts) but made me feel nuts cuz I said something about sticking needles through calases (sp?) in my hand when I was bored as a kid. Like stupid stupid stuff. And just something will make me think on that and I just get stuck feeling like I did then.

Anyone know anything at all about anything even remotely like this? Or am I just crazy(er then I think I am).

I (for some reason) was thinking of PTSD just the other day and I know a lot of the symptoms of it and kinda just realized that I react like my whole past was super tramatic. Could I just be unstable in a way and "made" everything tamatic?

Does this even make sense? I am not sure I am even explaining this decently...

(05-08-2011 07:40 PM)Slaka Wrote:  Ok so basically everyone has been through tough stuff in their life. Sometimes that results in PTSD. Thats kinda where my question comes in. PTSD has its own symptoms and I know certain things will trigger you into "being" right where you were when the tramatic situation was. Something simple-song, smell, noise, whatever throw you into tears because you are stuck on your past.

Hi, Slaka, your message reverberated with me this morning and I feel that I need to respond. I can so relate because, the last week I have been given messages from my inner self that I must look in to; that I've not recognized through the years or maybe even not wanting to look deeper for fear of what I would find. I've always been there for others when called upon, but not for myself until lately. What I suggest is heeding the messages that you are getting, they have to be looked at, cried over, and dealt with or they will keep coming back in some form, maybe even ill health.

Quote:For me its like everything in my life seems to feel like (I would think) PTSD. Like I will hear a song or just be reminded of a bad moment in my past and its like my brain is right back to reliving it. I almost never go into panic attacks, sometimes will cry but I HAVE to relive the whole thing. I can't just make myself stop I have to think about the whole situation. But its EVERYTHING from my past. Even little things that don't mean anything.

Those of us that have had a painful past HAVE to deal with it or it will keep showing up in all kinds of forms. You are being told something from within, crying to get out, please listen to it. SO many people say "just get over it" and I believe that is just the worst advice ever! I don't talk to those kinds of people, wanting to be true to myself for maybe the first time in my life. Those little things that you mention 'don't mean anything' but they do to you. Look at them, write in a journal about everything, that helps like you wouldn't believe. Even if you end up burning it eventually so no one will see it, at least it's out there and not sitting within eating at you.

A dear friend of mine suggested writing a letter to my parents even though they both have long since gone, to say what I needed to say. I started it this morning and can't believe the amount of pain that started to show itself, I was dumbfounded, yet I have been carrying it all these years. I advise you to do the same thing with your own pain as it will help you in your healing.

Quote:I saw a shrink before (who really was nuts) but made me feel nuts cuz I said something about sticking needles through calases (sp?) in my hand when I was bored as a kid. Like stupid stupid stuff. And just something will make me think on that and I just get stuck feeling like I did then.

Anyone know anything at all about anything even remotely like this? Or am I just crazy(er then I think I am).

No, you are not crazy, not by a long shot! You are heeding the warnings from your inner self, taking notice. I say good for you, keep going, start writing your feelings, keep talking. You are not alone!

Quote:I (for some reason) was thinking of PTSD just the other day and I know a lot of the symptoms of it and kinda just realized that I react like my whole past was super tramatic. Could I just be unstable in a way and "made" everything tamatic?

Does this even make sense? I am not sure I am even explaining this decently...

I think you explained everything quite well and it makes total sense to me.

Quote:Those of us that have had a painful past HAVE to deal with it or it will keep showing up in all kinds of forms. You are being told something from within, crying to get out, please listen to it. SO many people say "just get over it" and I believe that is just the worst advice ever! I don't talk to those kinds of people, wanting to be true to myself for maybe the first time in my life. Those little things that you mention 'don't mean anything' but they do to you. Look at them, write in a journal about everything, that helps like you wouldn't believe. Even if you end up burning it eventually so no one will see it, at least it's out there and not sitting within eating at you.

A dear friend of mine suggested writing a letter to my parents even though they both have long since gone, to say what I needed to say. I started it this morning and can't believe the amount of pain that started to show itself, I was dumbfounded, yet I have been carrying it all these years. I advise you to do the same thing with your own pain as it will help you in your healing.

I agree with Luba. I think that any past pain that wasn't dealt with can continue to bother us until we deal with it in some manner. It would make sense for certain things to remind us of that pain as well. Either way, things in our present remind us of our past. Whether those are happy memories, sad memories, etc.

I like your friend's suggestion of writing a letter as well Luba. Especially if you don't intend on giving it to whoever you're writing it to. That way, you can be completely honest and open about whatever it is that's upsetting you so much.

(05-09-2011 12:46 AM)luba Wrote:  What I suggest is heeding the messages that you are getting, they have to be looked at, cried over, and dealt with or they will keep coming back in some form, maybe even ill health.

Thank you for your comments. It really helped. Its nice to know I'm not alone and that people understand what I'm going through no matter how unusual it sounds. The problem I have is I know why certain memories bother me to this day but the problem is I don't know how to "deal with them". I have cried over them many times but that hasn't helped. I will try writing "letters" though and see how that goes but I know I will just need to grab a whole journal for that. lol.

The person that hurt me the most though was my ex step dad. He basically was my dad from when I was like 6 to 13 ish and kinda walked out of me and went from caring for me like a daughter (i thought) to not caring about me at all. He mistreated my mom. That hurts too. But I don't know what to do about it. This I know has probably had a chain reaction to making a lot of other things bother me. I've kinda wanted to write him a letter and tell him how I feel. Not nicely I'm sure either because I'm blunt and he was a POS. But at the same time I don't want to hear back from him. and I don't want him to go and email my mom about anything because I liked that he has left her alone. Normally he would leave and start bugging her again. She has moved on with that part of her life and I don't want it to get thrown in her face. Actually for years I've wanted to go to california and confront him but that trip would not be cheap and I don't even think possible for me for years. Hell I don't even know if he is still alive to be completely honest. I would think we would hear if something like that happens but who knows. *shrug*. Urgh. I hate him. I really do. Someone should not still be able to make me feel like shit after all these years.

Thank you guys a ton. I've been having a hard time lately and have felt really alone at times and you all have done wonders.

(05-09-2011 01:14 PM)Slaka Wrote:  Thank you for your comments. It really helped. Its nice to know I'm not alone and that people understand what I'm going through no matter how unusual it sounds. The problem I have is I know why certain memories bother me to this day but the problem is I don't know how to "deal with ]them". I have cried over them many times but that hasn't helped. I will try writing "letters" though and see how that goes but I know I will just need to grab a whole journal for that. lol.

You just might need a whole journal, maybe even two if that is what it takes. I've just started writing mine as my parents are gone now, but I know I need to do it, and will keep it until the time comes that I will need to burn it or shred it. I will know when the time is right, just as you will if you do start your journal.

Quote:The person that hurt me the most though was my ex step dad. He basically was my dad from when I was like 6 to 13 ish and kinda walked out of me and went from caring for me like a daughter (i thought) to not caring about me at all. He mistreated my mom. That hurts too. But I don't know what to do about it. This I know has probably had a chain reaction to making a lot of other things bother me. I've kinda wanted to write him a letter and tell him how I feel. Not nicely I'm sure either because I'm blunt and he was a POS. But at the same time I don't want to hear back from him. and I don't want him to go and email my mom about anything because I liked that he has left her alone. Normally he would leave and start bugging her again. She has moved on with that part of her life and I don't want it to get thrown in her face. Actually for years I've wanted to go to california and confront him but that trip would not be cheap and I don't even think possible for me for years. Hell I don't even know if he is still alive to be completely honest. I would think we would hear if something like that happens but who knows. *shrug*. Urgh. I hate him. I really do. Someone should not still be able to make me feel like shit after all these years.

If you don't want to confront him, then writing a 'letter' to him, no matter how long it is, and then eventually burning it will help. I've heard that this has been done by friends as well as having read about it.

Is it possible to talk to your Mom about it, too? She may have moved on but has she dealt with her pain about it? Maybe it would be good to talk to her one on one. You both may help each other with that.

Quote:Thank you guys a ton. I've been having a hard time lately and have felt really alone at times and you all have done wonders.

You're welcome and you are not alone!

Its kinda hard to get good time to talk to my mom about that. Partly because my step dad is around often, and the moment never seems good anyways to talk about something so serious. But its hard for me to say Hey he still bothers me. In a lot of ways I wish I could talk to my brother. But he moved to kansas city (about 14 hour drive away) and I could not talk to him on the phone. An email wont cut it, and when he is up here the rare times he is I almost never get an alone minute let alone time to talk. (I can't actually talk to him on the phone. he is really too busy and has too much going on so I can get some minutes but that is it. Unless I call him at work then I can talk longer but I don't want to have that convo while he is at work either.)
I think I will just write on that one and see how it goes. Probably last though cuz his will take a while to finish. lol.

Thanks for all your help luba.