Thanks Snooks. Seeing that others understand where you're coming from, and especially if it's someone who doesn't suffer from the same problems themselves, helps.

(02-25-2012 04:58 AM)Harold-L Wrote:  So would you say that you had an easier time in social situations before you lost your job? I mean, has your SA actually gotten worse since then? Or is it as bad as it used to be, but more noticeable seeing as you're more isolated without your job? (does that question even make sense? I thought it did, but reading it over again I'm not so sure...)

My SA has definitely gotten worse since I left my job. Why? A combination of staying in the house much more, and my mum long starting to use me as her dumping ground for her anxieties and fears (or as I've already mentioned in another thread, she could actually have clinical paranoia and/or the first signs of dementia).

(02-25-2012 04:58 AM)Harold-L Wrote:  SA related rant: know what I hate the most about SA? It's not the anxiety and social issues in themselves, it's the fact that SA turns me into a jerk. A mean, selfish, rude ...jerk.
An example: I took the bus home from the shelter today and sat behind an elderly man. When he was about to get off, he tried pushing the lil' 'stop' button, but it made no sound. He tried again and again, but the thing wouldn't work. And there's where I come into the picture; I should have helped him. I should have pushed another stop button to help him out. And I wanted to. Here's my inner conflict: push the button and risk making a fool of yourself by making people aware of your existence, or sit down and act as if you haven't seen anything. I just couldn't bring myself to help him out. ;( I don't even know what I was so afraid of? People noticing me? So what? Luckily, someone else saw the man and helped him. But I felt like the biggest coward afterwards. It might not seem like a big deal, but it is a big deal if these kinds of things happen often. You are the sum of your actions, right? And if this is who I am, I don't think I like myself very much. I really don't want to be a bad person, but when my SA takes over I just can't help myself. Bad past experiences have turned me into a social coward.

It won't surprise you to learn that I can relate to this!

Two examples - i) I once remember someone trying to reverse their car out of a narrow street. While reversing, the back of their car happened to latch onto a large piece of wood, and the car started dragging it. Even though I was the one who was closest, it was left to an elderly man (who was behind me), to tell the driver, and to unlatch the piece of wood. ii) More recently, in a supermarket, a woman dropped some of her products. She most definintely had her hands full as she was holding a very full basket and a baby. I was right by her, and wanted to help, but in the end, left her to it.

Lovely has SA can hold you back in the simplest of situations!

Occasionally I wonder how I might react in a life or death situation. If I thought I was having a heart attack, would I ring for an ambulance, or talk myself out of it through fear of 'inconveniencing' people!

Yeah, caring for an elderly parent with anxiety issues (and possibly dementia) certainly can't make matters any better.
It's good to see that you've been trying rather hard to push yourself and try to find a job lately though. Even though the whole job-hunting process is a tough one, hopefully it'll help you in the long run and take you out of your isolation.

Quote:It won't surprise you to learn that I can relate to this! 005_sbiggrin

Two examples - i) I once remember someone trying to reverse their car out of a narrow street. While reversing, the back of their car happened to latch onto a large piece of wood, and the car started dragging it. Even though I was the one who was closest, it was left to an elderly man (who was behind me), to tell the driver, and to unlatch the piece of wood. ii) More recently, in a supermarket, a woman dropped some of her products. She most definintely had her hands full as she was holding a very full basket and a baby. I was right by her, and wanted to help, but in the end, left her to it.

Lovely has SA can hold you back in the simplest of situations!

Yep, I could add a long list of similar situations. And they always seem to be lose/lose. If you try to help the person out, you'll do so in a stressed and anxious manner, which makes you clumsy. Chances are you'll make a fool of yourself one way or another and feel like an idiot because of that. If you don't help the person, you'll feel like an idiot because of that. And that realisation is what makes you hesitate. "I'll do it, no it's not worth it, but I should do it, no I shouldn't, I should, I shouldn't", and before you know it, it's too late.

Quote:Occasionally I wonder how I might react in a life or death situation. If I thought I was having a heart attack, would I ring for an ambulance, or talk myself out of it through fear of 'inconveniencing' people! 005_ssuprised

It sounds like a joke, but sadly I don't know how I would react in a situation like that either. If it was a very serious situation I would probably manage to talk myself into making the call, but I would hesitate and it would take me a moment to find the courage to actually do so. A moment which you might not have in a life or death situation.

(02-27-2012 06:33 PM)Harold-L Wrote:  

Quote:Occasionally I wonder how I might react in a life or death situation. If I thought I was having a heart attack, would I ring for an ambulance, or talk myself out of it through fear of 'inconveniencing' people! 005_ssuprised

It sounds like a joke, but sadly I don't know how I would react in a situation like that either. If it was a very serious situation I would probably manage to talk myself into making the call, but I would hesitate and it would take me a moment to find the courage to actually do so. A moment which you might not have in a life or death situation.

I agree - if it wasn't true, it would be funny. To think, one moment of hesitation could well end up costing your (or someone else's) life.

It doesn't bear thinking about.

An organisation is having a jobs fair today, and I'm too scared to ring them up to ask them about it, let alone actually attend the event in person!!!

Sometimes my social anxiety makes me feel so backwards in life...

(01-22-2013 12:43 AM)Globetrotter Wrote:  An organisation is having a jobs fair today, and I'm too scared to ring them up to ask them about it, let alone actually attend the event in person!!!

The person you are calling doesn't know who you are; to the person on the other end of the line you are just a voice. Maybe thinking that way will also help as well as writing down some questions you may want to ask. I hope this helps a bit.

Couldn't you have contacted them over email? Most of the time, that seems to be an option these days, luckily. I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for email communication.

(01-23-2013 02:10 AM)luba Wrote:  

(01-22-2013 12:43 AM)Globetrotter Wrote:  An organisation is having a jobs fair today, and I'm too scared to ring them up to ask them about it, let alone actually attend the event in person!!!

The person you are calling doesn't know who you are; to the person on the other end of the line you are just a voice. Maybe thinking that way will also help as well as writing down some questions you may want to ask. I hope this helps a bit.

Actually, thinking about it that way does help a bit Luba. Thank you!

In the end I did ring them up, though it was only to enquire whether the open day was still on (due to the bad weather we had at the time), and what time the open day finished.

All of the jobs in question eventually ended up appearing on the organisation's website.

(01-26-2013 06:47 AM)Harold-L Wrote:  I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for email communication.

Ditto!

(06-09-2008 11:07 AM)Shinobi Wrote:  This happened the other day, but whatever...

Well I was hiding out in my room cuz my sisters bf was over and definitely did not want to meet him...well anyways I said what the heck and decided I'd go get on the computer and act like I'm doing something and nobody will bother me...Then out of my sisters room come her and her bf, and the first thing I hear out of my dad's mouth "Have you met my son?"...I was like "NOOOOOOO!!!"...the idea was that I would get on the computer and not be bothered, instead of hiding out in my room like a chicken..so the dude walks over and shakes my hand and says "what's up man" of course I said nothing..lol...I HATE when people feel the need to make me meet people, if I wanted to meet him I would have introduced myself!!! smad smad smad

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Hi Shinobi,
I can understand you feeling awkward in these situations but life would be so much more fulfilling if you could get over this.One thing i found that helped me was something called EFT (Emotional freedom Technique) It involves tapping certain areas of the body while saying statements,it could go something like this.While tapping the karate chop part of the hand say something like "Even though i feel awkward meeting people socially, i deeply and completely love and accept myself" Repeat it 3 times while tapping there.Then tap the top of your head,inner eyebrow,outside of the eye,under the eye,under the nose,on the chin,collarbone and then under the armpit where a woman's bra strap would be-while just repeating "i feel awkward meeting people" You can just youtube EFT Tapping.
This is very effect if done for about 15 minutes. Another alternative which is extremely effective is the fear gone treatment to be found at feargone.com it uses fast NLP techniques.Hope you found this useful.