Hello, I've just joined this forum a couple of days ago. I'm hopeful I'll be able to find a practical solution to my problem.

I've had this embarrassing phobia for the past 18 years, now I've found out there is a name for that: Amaxophobia (fear of riding in a car - as opposed to "driving"). I panic every time I have to sit as a passenger in a vehicle, be it a car, a bus, a taxi, ... Every time I find myself in a vehicle where I'm not in control, I feel trapped and experience all kinds of symptoms: feeling unable to breath, dizzy or faint, absolute terror and anticipation of accidents, etc..

I can't even accompany my six-year old daughter in amusement park rides for kids! Needless to say, I never took a plane .

The good thing is, I have no problem driving my car... fortunately, otherwise, how could I get anywhere! Since I can't "ride", I drive all the time and always find excuses to use "my" car, as opposed to someone else's. I have no problem at all when it comes to being in control. The problem is when I realize that I have no control; I feel trapped.

Even my closest friends don't take me seriously and think I'm "acting" (how insulting! ), they all make fun of it. In the past, I have asked some close friends to drive my car for therapy purposes and let me sit there as a passenger... I ended up making a fool of myself (with friends like this, who needs enemies?).

I'm in the process of reading "Don't Panic: Taking Control of Anxiety Attacks - R. Wilson" (I've read the first 100 pages) and I've already learned a thing or two... not the miracle cure I was hoping for so far, but hopefully this book will provide me with good s to overcome my problem.

I've had some good moments in the past where I thought I was cured or on the way to recovery. There has been some instances where I took the bus for a short ride going into work, or the taxi , I sat a couple of times as a passenger in my mother's car (for some reason, I tend to trust my mother, even though she's over 70 and doesn't have a great attention span and her vision is fading).

Since none of my friends are willing to help me out with this embarrassing problem, and my wife doesn't have a driver's licence, and my mother lives 6 hours away from me... I thought I could organize a group in my area where people will take turn driving each others cars... but I have to find those people who share the same phobia as me. Am I the only one?

Any tips on how I can overcome this embarrassing problem? Anyone is interested in forming an amaxophobia support group and help each other out by driving and riding in each others' cars? Anyone living around Toronto (Canada)?

That sounds like a pretty nasty phobia because it can make you pretty bound from going places.

I personally dont suffer with this or know anyone who does. I think you should perhaps book a taxi taking you short distances everytime until you feel more comfortable and can travel further and further. How would you react if you knew you were only travelling for 1 minute? ...1 minute wont really give you enough time to panic too much. As we all know, the solution to over comming anxietys and phobias is to face them, which is easier said than done.

Thank you Social Disease for your response. That's right, it is a nasty and disabling phobia, and embarrassing too. Every time the group I'm in are planning on going somewhere, my first question to everyone is, how we are going to get there... and then I insist on driving and using my car. Sometimes, I don't feel to smart about it and I can be perceived as selfish and unwilling to cooperate. And my wife has learned to make excuses on my behalf; I'm sure she's embarrassed too; she's been supportive, but can't really help me concretely.

Your solutions make sense; actually, that's what it's all about: common sense. I do understand my fears are irrational. But I have to teach my brain to go past the first stage and take me to the next one. Baby steps, as they say.

One of the things I've learned in the aforementioned book is that, anxiety attacks are often triggered by the feeling of being trapped. It could be as simple an event as meeting face to face with the bank teller and realizing that you're "stuck" here, albeit for a few seconds, and can't leave until the transaction is over. You feel trapped, look around and see if you can find an escape route, like running out of the bank and looking like a foolish monkey.

This is exactly what I feel in a taxi or on a bus; even though I'm planning on getting off at the next stop, I feel trapped for a few seconds, which is enough to feel unable to breathe. I've got to work on that.

Sometimes, I am able to manage a low level of anxiety with calming breathing exercises (like slow breathing on the count of 3).

Strangely enough, the subway doesn't bother me as much because I know for sure where it's going; it's following the tracks, and most of the time, the train follows its way in a tunnel; no matter how bad the driver is, the train will get only where it's supposed to be going... Now is this rational or irrational?

Confusing!

Without wanting to state the obvious, sounds like there's an issue of 'control' - not as in "control freak" but as in giving over the responsibility comfortably to someone else.

Anxiety is primarily about a perceived loss of control - "things will happen to us"

You haven't really identified (or I haven't noticed) what it is about not being the driver that causes you to get anxious. eg is it fear of accidents, not getting where you're meant to be, getting lost... ?

Suggestion when in transport and getting anxious: Think about the purpose of the ride - "To get me from A - B" and own the decision - "I choose to do this because it suits my purpose - no-one is forcing me to take this bus/taxi/option and I do it because it's for my own benefit to get where I want to be." (physically and spiritually?!)

Ian

What if you, your wife and your daughter took the bus and got off on the first stop. The same for the taxi idea. Having people around you that understand you always helps. I have a close friend who knows all about my problems and it helps knowing he is there sometimes.

I was practically house bound once for a short period. But I introduced myself outside in small doses until I got where I am today. I couldnt go down the street without wanting to dart back home because I felt like having a panic attack. Now I never even think about it.

Right on! It's like I feel extremely uncomfortable when letting somebody else have the control. Not that I'm the best driver in town, but no one can drive exactly like me.

As a driver, I've developed my own style over the years, my habits; if I let someone else drive who wouldn't start pressing the break at the exact moment I would (the same thing goes from stirring the wheel, etc.), this is where a panic state is triggered, my brain anticipates awful things and the situation becomes untolerable. So to answer your question, I think the fear of accidents is what causes me to be anxious.

I like your confident statement: "I choose to do this because it suits my purpose - no-one is forcing me to take this bus/taxi/option and I do it because it's for my own benefit to get where I want to be." This is the attitude that should be adopted, I'm not a victim, I choose to to this on my own, instead of feeling trapped in a situation.

I think involving the family could prove helpful to me. Maybe I should try introducing this "new activity" with my wife and daughter. After all, this is for the benefit of all, if I can get rid of this phobia, I would be a transformed person, a better dad, a better husband.
Thanks for your input.

Welcome to OFear,
Have you had or been involved in any accidents in the past or do you feel that its seeing accidents that invokes the fear within you, sometimes it can be past thoughts where other times it can be actually seeing someone else in that situation.

e.g. if you saw someone get frightened by a spider for instance, your mind may chose to see this also as a fearful situation because you have seen someone else become petrified of spiders.

Stu

Hi Stu,
Yes I had been involved in a car accident about a year before the onset of my phobias, and I do believe that there is a link between my fears and that event, even though I was the driver in that situation (strange!).

Thats an interesting one that, had you have said you were a passenger I would see it as you do what you have to in order to feel in control of the situation to avoid re-occurrence.
I'm sure Ian will shed some light on the situation as much as psychology interests me I'm no expert.

Thanks for the fanfare Stu~!

On such little discussion it is not easy (and is unwise) to attribute the fears to one single episode - tho it is most likely of relevance, it would depend on the context and circumstances of the incident.

More generally on the topic; being driver or not of the vehicle is probably not the issue as much as the experience of being in the accident.

It is an odd way to think - if you drove and were in an accident that you would then trust yourself more than anyone else. Tho as stated, there are contextual considerations! But the mind's reality is probably that now, and by experience, you are just more aware of the risks and the cautions required.

The oddity of it for me would be how does the mind decide which way your fear will go?
On one hand, because of the accident in which you were driving, you could equally have been too afraid to drive again and left everyone else do the driving.
Yet on the other - you are perhaps too unsure of others driving because you still have confidence in your driving but less so in other road users or other drivers.

If you wanted to post more on the accident we can pull it apart and try looking at how influential it may be to the fear. We can also look at why you would then feel more comfortable with always driving as opposed to never driving.

Throw in some details about the type of car too - cos Stu's an expert on cars and he can tell you if it had the right torque and stuff! (Stu -> )

Thanks Ian, some valid points there in your perception, quite rightly so with the balance.
I can relate to that allot I have been in a road accident myself and afterwards it took me a long time to trust myself to get behind the wheel because I felt at blame even though the other road user forced me off the road.
I guess I could give a perception of the other side so to speak.

Cutting it short a Subaru Impreza sports car cut very tight corner at well over 60mph and the next i see is headlights hurtling towards me at its current rate of speed if i don't get out the way im a Subaru hood ornament so i swerved the car lost complete control it fishtailed and rolled about 3 to 4 times before resting on a tree, Subaru long gone and me and my passengers could have been left for dead.
My passengers i called a taxi for while i stayed with the car, amazingly enough the car tipped back on all fours and drove home, as unsteady as i felt about it i couldn't afford recovery and was glad to get home
The shock didn't really hit home till i got into my bed and started having nightmares flashbacks and thoughts just tumbling through my head, its always the "what ifs"
The day after I couldn't drive to work, didn't trust myself and didn't go.
As much as it wasn't my fault i just felt the blame was all mine, until weeks later someone said to me are you going to let this control you or are you gonna grow some balls and realize its not your fault, so i start driving on my own and im ok with that, but passengers im a differnt driver its like im a learner again lol.

Stu

Thank you all for your insight. Sorry for the delay in replying your posts.

The truth is, I'm not sure that discussing the details of an accident that happened a long time ago will help me tackle and irradicate my fears. I'm trying to take a proactive hands-on approach and keeping a current perspective of the situation. I recall Dr. Phil (popular American TV host) saying more than once "there is really only one phobia, and it's the fear of losing control". Now I'm still on the process of reading that book I mentioned before (Don't Panic), and realize that all phobias boil down to the same fear: the fear of being out of control and the fear of feeling trapped.

In my opinion, analyzing the circumstances of an accident for therapy purposes would support the idea that there is a logical explanation to a phobia, but I believe that there is nothing rational about it. I am aware and understand that millions of people take the bus, the subway, the taxi everyday, and we don't see them hyperventilate, panic or faint, and accidents, let alone serious ones, are not too common an occurrence. Oddly enough, if I can't be sitting as a passenger in a vehicle because I don't trust anyone else's driving, how come I'm not afraid to walk across the street, being fully aware that motorists (other than me) will be driving past me and around me? Like I said, I don't see anything rational or logical in this, but one thing I do know, I've been afflicted for so long with this cumbersome and embarrassing condition, that I'm determined to find the tools necessary to help me tackle and irradicate this phobia once for all. I want to enjoy this coming summer with my family a bit more, going on hay rides, thrill rides, etc.

Now, is this to say that all phobias can be treated the same way? I'm unsure about this, but as someone suggested above, confronting my fears head-on seems to be the only solution, with baby steps, of course. Some beathing and relaxation techniques can help a lot too, both before and during my self-imposed sessions.

I have this similar problem as well, but it's only occur when I sit in the front seat.
I used to have trouble in back seat as well but not anymore.
I have completely no problem with buses, taxis, trains and planes with condition I'm not in front seat or I'm the one controlling, I'm mostly troubled with motorcycle, which I can't ride or as passenger.

That's funny you say you're alright when sat in the back because I'm worse in the back and only feel in control when sat in the front. What makes you feel better in the back?