Dear friends,
I read/browsed about the issue ,like most of you, which usually says ppl with SA lack self confidence,have self denial,Bad communication skills and and.......
I tried to search for the reason(not symptoms , results of ppl with SA and the method to cure it),the limitted information i got about the reason was mainly suggesting that it's,1) unknown, 2)something/disturbance in ur childhod 3)could be genetic(inherited)

A few weeks ago i went through a link,,and here we go ,I knew my EXACT reason for having SA!!It was giving an example and it was my case that i never knew ,i always knew it was about this kind of subject,,but couldn't penetrate that locked door and see the full/exact reason!Unbelievable!
Please everyone read this,,it could be(hopefully) someone else's reason too.

sorry if the language is not good.i'm not a native speaker of english ,
Aisha
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How we get Social Phobia

None of those who is suffering from Social Phobia is confident!
They are all timid, dependant, of low self-esteem, sensitive, weak, just to name a few.
Oh! Friends, when were you deprived of such strong initiative in dealing with the external environment even animals possess?
You now become so dependant and passive.
A healthy person should fully know how to control the surroundings and how to control himself or herself. To those people, everything is undercontrol.
But to you, nothing is controllable.
Where is the problem?
Now let’s sit down, calm down and look back.
In your childhood, there might be a strict and bad-tempered elder around you, he or she might from time to time suppress your wish to make decision yourself freely, he or she might from time to time say to you “No, you are wrong” only because he or she didn’t like your decision.
One inhibition followed by another, you gradually give up your efforts to take initiative because you know it will not work.
What’s more, unconsciously you gradually followed the requirement from that elder, only by which you may gain compliment and approval from him or her. You began to inhibit your own wish just in order to cater for that person. You adapted yourself by being passive and obedient. Therefore, living such a life this way for many years has formed your personality, an inhibited “you”, like that a growing sapling with a thick trunk over it will never become straight but bent. “bent”, “deformed”, “distorted” or “inhibited” is the best description of your current personality.
All in all, personality is formed by environment, good environment leads to good personality while bad environment leads to bad personality.
Of course, we cannot conclude that all those who are suffering from Social Phobia has grown up this way, there still may be some exceptions, but on the whole, what mentioned above is a prototype.

....End....
from the link: http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/archi ... 25107.html

Hi Aishaa

Since the forum isn't the most active...I thought I would reply so that you at least get one reply

I think it's an interesting theory, and sounds pretty close to the "attachment theory" if you have heard of that?
Basically...the behaviour of our caretakers when we are young affects us later in life. A parent that doesn't comfort you when you're crying, doesn't feed you when you're hungry and so on...a parent that acts that way will affect you deeply. Instead of growing up with a secure attachment to yourself and the world, feeling that you're an individual worthy of other peoples time and others love...you'll grow up with a fear of rejection, anxious ...and so on. It all depends on how your parents took care of you when you were little. (if you want a better explanation you better google it since I'm bad at explaining htings )
Anyway as you see, it sounds pretty similar to what you said.

I personally think that there isn't one cause for social phobia. That might be one explanation, but I doubt that it's the reason that most social phobics become the way they are. Personality is shaped both genetically and by the environment. And I think that there are too many possible causes to say that this one cause is the main reason people become social phobics.

In my case...I really don't think I had a bad attachment as a kid. I've always had a good relationship with my parents, and I doubt it was any different when I was a baby. I think that I genetically have a predisposition to shyness, and events that happened in school added onto the shyness and hurt my self confidence. I guess the question is, what came first? the shyness or the crummy self confidence? In my case, shyness caused the bad self confidence. Through your theory, it sounds like the opposite. Bad self confidence caused by childhood experiences made you shy/socially anxious.

Basically...I think the connection between genetics/childhood events is quite complex. A person born with a predisposition to be open and extrovert may not react as badly to early childhood experiences as a person with a disposition for shyness.

Hi Harold,
Definitely like u said:"And I think that there are too many possible causes to say that this one cause is the main reason people become social phobics." I am not suggesting that it's the main reason,,but it's my case.
It is very complex the set/combination of factors that leads to SA + how sensitive the child receiving the treatment from primary caretakers and environment is..the more sensitive the child is ,the more vulnerable he is to be affected.

Also answering your question harold:"what came first? the shyness or the crummy self confidence? In my case, shyness caused the bad self confidence. Through your theory, it sounds like the opposite. Bad self confidence caused by childhood experiences made you shy/socially anxious"

yes it's the opposite for me! and according to you now,seems that not one of them should always come first,it can be any according to the case.(if true,and i think it is,that's interesting info!)

It's really good to hear that you're starting to understand why you feel the way you do Aishaa. Although it doesn't fix the issue, I think it makes it easier to manage and treat. Plus, it's always nice to understand yourself a bit better.

It's good that you can figure this stuff out on your own too. I've never been able to.

I was under the impression that you were saying that was how most people become social phobics...that's why came with the speech about there being many causes. Sorry
Anyway as Ana said, that's great that you found out where your issues stem from. Congrats
Hopefully that'll be helpful information to beat your problems.